Southampton Women's FC v Swindon Town Ladies FC

Hats for sale at Southampton Women's FC!

I'm going to start this match report with a question...

Tell me, which is Hampshire's most successful club in national competitions?

To which, the Saints fans reading this would reply, "We are! We've been in the top division of the national league for longer than Pompey! We've won the FA Cup once and been beaten finalists three times! We were runners-up in the old Football League First Division, we've won Division Three and Division Three South once each, and don't forget the Johnstone's Paint Trophy! We've beaten Pompey 34 times and lost to them only 21 times! It must be us!"

Pompey fans would sniff, roll their eyes, and proclaim, "It's obviously us! Champions of England in 1949 and 1950, FA Cup winners in 1939 and 2008, runners-up three times. And if you're going to include divisional titles, we've won four of those! Oh, and we've also won the Charity Shield!"

Both arguments have their merits, but there is another very successful club in Hampshire. And it's not Aldershot Town...

The home side warming up.

Details:
Southampton Women's FC v Swindon Town Ladies FC (at AFC Totton - postponed)
SSE Women's FA Cup First Round Proper
Sunday 4th December 2016
Attendance: 50-100
Admission: £3
Programme: Free
Colours: Red / black / red v White / red / black
National Grid reference: SU3415

Uh-oh! Here comes trouble!

This other club won the FA Cup eight times between 1971 and 1981. Do you know who it is?

That's right, Southampton Women's Football Club have just as big a claim to be Hampshire's most successful club as the Big Two men's teams. Formed in 1970, they were immediately successful, winning the cup in 1970/71, beating the Scottish club Stewarton & Thistle in the final at Crystal Palace National Sports Centre. They retained the cup for the following two seasons, beating Scottish sides on both occasions. They were beaten finalists in 1973/74, but then won the cup again in four of the next five seasons, including 1975/76 to make it a men's / women's double FA Cup victory for the city. In fact, they reached the final in every season of the 1970s - nine in a row, which is a record that will probably never be beaten (although Arsenal came close recently with six finals in a row).

If you study the list of finalists closely, you'll see that two more clubs from the city have reached the Women's FA Cup final since then - Red Star in 1992 and Southampton Saints in 1999. These are in fact one and the same club, but not connected to Southampton Women - they are Southampton Saints Girls & Ladies FC, who play their home games at Sholing FC.

Extreme danger. Not even buckets of warm water could make this corner safe.

Southampton Women have never really hit such great heights again since their '70s heyday - indeed, they came close to folding through lack of players not so long ago. However, they're on their way back now, with the club once more thriving. Last season, they won the Southern Region Women's Football League Division One - Northern (level 6 in the women's football pyramid if you include the summertime FA Women's Super League as levels 1 and 2, or level 4 of the winter leagues). This season, they've won every match they've played in the Southern Region Women's Football League Premier Division (level 5, or level 3 of the winter leagues), as well as every cup game so far.

To reach the First Round Proper of the Women's FA Cup, they'd beaten Bournemouth Sports, Fleet Town and Shanklin. Their opponents on Sunday were to be Swindon Town Ladies, who play one level higher, but who had only won two league games all season. It promised to be a close, competitive game. Indeed, it should have been one of the ties of the round, which is why I chose to pop along to AFC Totton's ground on Sunday to watch it.

The Swindon players head over to the corner for a look.

All was well upon arrival. I paid my £3 at the turnstile, which gave me entrance to the ground plus an eight page colour programme. Inside the entrance, there was a box full of hats for sale - a good idea on a cold December day. As I wandered towards the stand, a man walked past with a bucket of water. I thought little of this incident. I guessed he was on his way to one of the dugouts - you can't have an effective magic sponge without a bucket of water, after all. I recalled the time at school when I was on the bench and the games master gave me a bucket. It didn't occur to me that he wanted the bucket filled with water - the penny only dropped when one of my team mates went down injured during the first half and the games master ran over towards me, gesturing at me with his dry sponge...

Time for a serious discussion.

I carried on walking around the familiar ground as the Southampton players warmed up at the entrance end and the Swindon players at the far end. I was looking forward to this match. It was five degrees above freezing, but I was wrapped up warm enough, and I could always sit in the main stand which was enjoying the full rays of the mid-afternoon sun. It was the perfect early winter's afternoon, just right for a rambunctious cup tie.

There was frost along the goal line at the far end where the sun hadn't warmed the turf up yet, but nothing to worry about - it barely reached over the line. As I turned around to watch the players wander back to the dressing rooms for their final preparations with fifteen minutes to go before kick-off, I noticed the referee and his assistants striding purposefully towards the corner that I was closest to, hands in pockets, looking purposeful. Behind them were two men with buckets of water. It still didn't occur to me that the pitch even needed an inspection, let alone there being any danger of the match being off, so I did wonder what they could possibly be doing - perhaps they were coming out for a last-minute warm up?

"Perhaps if we jump up and down on the turf, we'll heat it up enough so the ice will melt?!"

They reached the corner and started prodding. It slowly dawned on me...this was a pitch inspection! Surely, surely, they can't call this one off with just five minutes to go before kick-off? If you'd placed a giant chess board over the pitch, one-tenth of one square could potentially still be frozen! But there they were, poking, prodding, whispering to one another, looking serious. Buckets of water were being poured over the corner to heat it up, to melt what little ice there might have been over there.

The officials went back to the dressing rooms with the bucket-carrying volunteers shaking their heads, looking concerned. Two minutes later, the Swindon players walked over to the corner, closely followed by the Southampton team. Phones were whipped out to photograph the grass. A selfie or two was taken. Players jumped up and down on the icy turf, hoping to loosen it up a little.

Eventually, the message came out that kick-off had been delayed by thirty minutes to allow time for the buckets of water to take effect - there would be another inspection at 2:30. Disbelieving glances and cuss words were exchanged amongst the supporters - some of whom must have driven from Swindon - a two hour round trip. Had we all wasted our time because the linesman on the far side was refusing to run the far line? Why didn't he swap sides and come over to the sunny side of the ground?

Another bucket of warm water, but by now it was too late.

Then there came a rumour that the Swindon team had gotten changed and were preparing to go home. There was to be no second inspection after all. Everyone in the ground over the age of thirty then exchanged stories about the times they'd played on pitches that were entirely covered in hard frost or snow and nobody ever got injured - and "that was only a few years ago! Referees are afraid they'll be sued these days!"

Whether or not refs would be sued in the event of serious injury is a moot point (I don't know of any cases of this happening), but they are responsible for all the participants' safety. I shall be charitable and say that this was a very, very soft postponement. The Swindon manager agreed in this article here.

The match has been rearranged for next Sunday (11th December), but this time, it will be played at Hamble Club's home ground at 1pm. It's still an attractive tie between two well-matched teams and it will be free entry to make it even better! It's another two hour round trip for Swindon and their fans. Let's hope it goes ahead this time - all the other matches in the cup were played on Sunday after all, including the Southampton Saints home tie at Sholing, just a few short miles away.

HAH will now take a break for Christmas. There will be a roller round-up over the festive period, but the next match report is likely to be on January 14th. Have a good one!

End of Season Roller Round-Up 2015/16

AFC Stoneham. Raced by Dani Behr.

There are so many celebrity reality shows on TV these days. I've been told by a trusted source that there was a show on one of the minor channels on Freeview recently which went by the name of Celebrity Scraping The Barrel, wherein minor celebrities from the worlds of entertainment, sport and politics literally scraped real wooden barrels in ever more unlikely ways with different kitchen utensils. The worst scraper was sent home at the end of each show, until they were just left with ex-Ipswich Town midfielder Colin Viljoen and the controversial former Tory MP for Cannock Chase, Aidan Burley in a final day scrape-off with beetroot strainers for the series trophy.

Hythe & Dibden. Manhandled by Elton Welsby.

This got me thinking. "They'll put any old nonsense on the telly these days - so many hours to fill on so many channels. Maybe, just maybe, I could come up with a brand new idea, something no-one has thought of before that would appeal to advertisers and that I could therefore sell to a desperate commissioning editor..."

After a couple of beers and an hour or two of deep thought, a lightbulb lit up above my head.

Celebrity Rolling!

Of course! My idea involved down-on-their-luck minor celebrities preparing non-league football pitches against the clock! "Jodie Prenger, you have just one hour to fork and roll Fareham Town's pitch to make it playable for this evening's El Creekio against AFC Portchester! And to make the task even harder, you have to mow the grass in a spiralled pattern, starting at the centre spot and gradually making the circles wider and wider..."

This might just work! Although, to be fair, I might give Jodie two hours to complete her task - one hour would be a bit tight.

AFC Totton. Greased by Noam Chomsky.

I'd need to source props - willing rollers and mowers to help with the show, as I'd have to knock together a pilot to show the men at the television stations. (If you've seen a shifty bloke taking photos of rusty rollers and talking to wonky wheelbarrows over the last few months, it was probably me, but you can now understand why).

And so, in January, my task began. Go to a match, search out the rusty groundsman's equipment, and talk business. I gained assent from eight different clubs to potentially film celebrities rolling their pitches against the clock, so it was all systems go...

I'd need celebrities as well, so I downloaded a book of contacts off of the web, and started e-mailing a few agents. The first to get back to me was Dani Behr's Mr 10%. Apparently, she'd be free to pop along for a couple of days in early May, as she was visiting friends in the Eastleigh area anyway.  Immediately, I contacted AFC Stoneham to check that their equipment was still available. It was, so I met Dani at Southampton Airport Parkway and drove her to the home of The Purples.

The club were well prepared, and had their roller out all ready for action. Unfortunately, Dani's agent had given her a garbled message, as she thought she was going to be racing lawnmowers against other celebrities. As soon as she spotted Stoneham's motor mower, she was on it, turning the key and revving up the engine. With flames spewing out of the exhaust like a Santa Pod dragster, she was off, whizzing over the pitch, careering through the fence separating AFC Stoneham from the golf driving range next door, trouncing golf balls by the dozen as she zoomed over the driving range...the last we heard, she was bombing up the M3 in the outside lane, heading for Winchester.

Such a shame, as we were going to call that episode Rollin' Dani, in an attempt to appeal to middle-aged Fall fans (a notoriously difficult target audience for advertisers).

Banbury United. Lovingly stroked by Mariella Frostrup.

After The Dani Behr Disaster (if any indie kids out there are looking for a band name, I have the rights to that one, but am willing to do a deal), I needed someone a little calmer, preferably someone with football connections who would understand what we were trying to do. This is where sports presenter Elton Welsby came in.

Elton travelled down from his home in the north-west for the day in his vintage Humber Hawk saloon. He was going to combine a morning visit to Hythe & Dibden's Clayfields ground with a commentary gig at a crown green bowling tournament in New Milton in the afternoon. It didn't go well. I've been sworn to secrecy, but the angle of the training light in the photo tells its own story.

As I was driving back through Totton after The Elton Welsby Disappointment, I spotted American linguist and historian Noam Chomsky coming out of the Romna Indian Takeaway with a biriani in his hand. I stopped and we chatted, and to cut a long story short, we ended up at AFC Totton's football ground. Chomsky was fascinated with my proposition that he appear on The Rusty Roller Show (as I'd started calling it). He felt he'd become typecast as a "serious kinda guy" and would love to be seen as having a lighter side by the general public.

However, as soon as he saw Totton's rusty lawnmower, he insisted that we pop in to Halford's and buy some oil to grease it up a bit before he would ride it on to the pitch. So there I was in the second week of May, on my hands and knees, greasing a lawnmower with Noam Chomsky. By the time we'd finished, it was nearly dark, but Noam insisted that the mower should have a catchy name painted on it, like the contraptions on Scrapheap Challenge. He wanted it to be called Mud Monster, after his favourite Scrapheap episode. So off I went to find some paint on the nearby Calmore Estate, knocking on strangers' doors at 10 o'clock at night and begging them for a tin of old emulsion. It must have been the state of me, covered from head to toe in grease, or perhaps it was the wild-eyed gibbering after such a long day, but I had a lot of funny looks, but no paint to show for my efforts.

By the time I arrived back at the stadium, Noam Chomsky had gone. As had the mower (tidied up and put away in a shed by the groundsman). So that was that.

Gaerwen. Chased Bob Carolgees off of Anglesey. Not sure what happened to Spit The Dog.

I roamed further than the county boundaries these past few months, looking for rusty TV stars of the future. I went to Banbury United, who agreed to let Mariella Frostrup dress up their roller as a roly-poly cat, with fake ears, perky tail and whiskers. When it started purring and coughing up furballs, we realised we were getting nowhere and had to abandon that episode.

When my contact in the biz rang me one afternoon and told me that Pedigree were relaunching their Chum brand, and that Bob Carolgees and Spit The Dog were interested in doing the programme, we agreed that we should pursue the dog food makers and discuss a synergetic marketing strategy of benefit to us both. You come on board as programme sponsors, and we'll get you Spit The Dog noshing away on a bowl of Chum whilst Brummie comedian Bob Carolgees rolls a spongy centre circle against the clock at a scenic ground in North Wales. Win-win for us both. Well, that was the idea.

When we arrived at Gaerwen on Anglesey (with snow-capped Snowdon glistening in the distance, making it the perfect setting for both ourselves and our sponsors), we were greeted by a disconcertingly fierce pair of rollers. Apparently, these two had been crossbred with pitbulls and didn't take too kindly to hoity-toity, high-falutin' Spit The Dog prancing around on their manor.

We couldn't get out of there fast enough. We needed a fast car to make our getaway, as we were being pursued by the Terrible Twosome. Luckily, German motor racing legend Timo Glock was just passing by as we made our exit. He saw what was happening, opened the passenger doors on his high-end Beamer, we leapt in, and two minutes later we were crossing the Menai Strait, safe and sound.

When I say "we"... myself and Bob both made it. Sadly, Spit The Dog had been left behind in the rush to get away. I should probably give Bob a tinkle and find out what happened to his best friend.

Lewes. Ignored by Naomi Klein.

I don't know what kind of a list of "celebrities" and their agents I downloaded, but the next person I had a confirmation of interest from was environmental activist and the author of No Logo and This Changes Everything, Naomi Klein. She was in Brighton for a meeting of the local branch of the Occupy movement, so she agreed to meet us at The Dripping Pan, home of nearby Lewes FC. We had the club roller out ready for her nice and early (a natty green number - I'd even given it a clean with an artificial chamois leather cloth). She'd promised to turn up for lunch in the clubhouse to meet us, which she duly did. We sat down and were enjoying a healthy meal of samosas and salad, when she suddenly excused herself and strode across the clubhouse to the other side, where she shook hands with someone familiar.

It took me a few minutes, but eventually I recognised Naomi's new companion - it was the leader of the UK Green Party, Natalie Bennett. They were obviously enjoying each other's company, so I let them chat for a while. In the meantime, I popped outside to do some last minute preparations for filming. When I returned to the clubhouse to chivvy Naomi up, I found I could barely get in the door. The place was packed. And there was Naomi, stood on a table, giving a rousing speech on corporate tax avoidance and climate change to half of Lewes. I beckoned to her, but she clearly wasn't interested in rolling Lewes's pitch any longer. We decided to leave her to it and moved on.

Controversial artist Grayson Perry had agreed to meet us at Liss Athletic's ground the following day. I must admit, after so many setbacks, I wondered just what else could go wrong. Would we ever get to make our pilot? Well, Grayson did turn up and we had an interesting conversation about his time at Portsmouth Polytechnic, where he studied fine art in the early 1980s.

When we got around to digging out the groundsman's equipment, we couldn't find a roller. Instead, there was a stepladder, a wheelbarrow and a bin. Grayson immediately got to work, constructing a fascinating sculpture behind the far goal, which he said was a representation of modern masculinity. Clever stuff, but with no roller, there was to be no filming that day.

Liss Athletic. Sculpted by Grayson Perry.

We decided to give ourselves one last chance to get the pilot done. After seven celebrities and seven abandoned attempts at filming, our final hope was Olympic cycling gold medallist, Dani King. Now, Dani has a gold telephone box painted in her honour in her home town of Hamble, and she went to Barton Peveril Sixth Form College in Eastleigh, so she has plenty of local connections. She was also in training for the Rio Olympics, so when we told her about the rolling, she agreed to do it because it would help her build up a bit of extra stamina for the summer ahead. This was very promising. What could possibly go wrong this time?

Answer: Nothing! We did it! Dani cycled to Baffins Milton Rovers from her parental home in Hamble, resting her bike upon their roller whilst we discussed our proposition in more depth. She was superb, doing everything asked of her. I won't tell you how quickly she rolled Baffins' pitch or in what pattern, as we were able to sell our pilot to a start-up channel which launches on Freeview in September. They promised us an early evening slot. I make a cameo appearance in the background, wearing a fedora and smoking a cigar in the stand. Dani said that she'd ask Wiggle to sponsor the show. Best of all, we were able to call the pilot show Rollin' Dani after all. Those advertisers searching for grumpy Fall fans to sell their tat to will be overjoyed!

Look out for us in the Autumn!

Baffins Milton Rovers. Ridden on by Dani King.

Okay, before anybody asks me if any of this is true, the answer is...no (apart from the bit about Timo Glock*). It was just a different way of presenting this Spring's roller pictures to you. There are many other pieces of nonsense like this, which are tagged Rollers etc.

My next project is to write a few hundred words for a new book about the last 30 years of Romsey Town FC, which should be coming out during the 2016/17 season. It will be the follow-up to the centenary book, which came out thirty years ago. The author is Jack Smith. If you have any fond memories (or photos) of the club from 1986 to the present day, I'm sure Jack would love to hear from you. You can contact him either via HAH, or you can find him on the HAH Facebook page. This is a real project, by the way - I'm not making this one up.

That'll do. Enjoy the rest of the summer!

*The bit about Timo Glock was also made up...

AFC Totton v Evesham United

The impressive main stand at AFC Totton, as viewed from the road outside the complex.

Last summer, we went on a family camping trip to Suffolk. It was a nice campsite, situated on a smallholding on the edge of a village, run by a pair of hippified City dropouts. On one side of our tent, we were able to listen to a gaggle of turkeys gobbling and gibbering to each other all day long. Behind us, there was a field full of goats. Opposite them, three shy alpacas roamed around their spacious enclosure, keeping close to one another at all times, accompanied by a team of chickens, who were bossily kept in check by a huge cockerel, his leathery red wattle wobbling violently whenever he sensed danger.

Various aloof farm cats would come and visit us and make our tent their temporary home, occasionally deigning to let us stroke them. There were friendly dogs as well, always ready for a tail-wagging fuss. Like I said, a nice place to spend a few days (if you like that sort of thing).

In the evenings, as the sun went down, we would wander along the footpath which leads past the village churchyard (alive with bats), and down to the pub. After a couple of pints of Wherryman (straight from the barrel), we were ready for a pub game.

Parade of honour for Mike Gosney, breaking the record for first team appearances at AFC Totton.

Details:
AFC Totton (1) 2 v 2 (1) Evesham United FC
Evo-Stik Southern League Division One South & West
Saturday 30th January 2016
Attendance: 325
Admission: £9
Programme: £2
Colours: All blue v Red and white stripes / black / black
National Grid reference: SU3415

Evesham United fans watch from the far terrace.

We'd start off with a few games of dominoes. My family tell me this is a game of luck, however, I won far more than I lost, so I had to disagree with them. After the dominoes, it was time to get our 50p's out and for me and my son to take our place at the bar billiards table.

Now, bar billiards is a game I used to play with friends in Emsworth. This was a long time ago though, so I struggled to remember all the rules. Luckily, help was at hand, as one of the locals was only too happy to give us the lowdown.

In case you're unaware, bar billiards is played on a sloping green-baized table similar in size to a pool table with ball-shaped holes cut in to the cloth instead of the corners and sides. Placed at various points on the cloth are mushroom-shaped skittles. You win points when one ball hits another and then one or more balls drop down the holes. The holes are worth a differing amount of points according to their difficulty.

The rules vary from county to county, so our new friend related to us the Suffolk Rules. In Suffolk Rules, if you knock over a white skittle, you lose all your points for that go; if you knock over the black skittle, you lose ALL YOUR POINTS for the entire game up to that point. I've put this in capitals because he told us this with some relish. If you can imagine trying to play this game in a strange pub, not really knowing what you're doing, and this fellow was watching you like an eagle, just waiting for you to knock over the black skittle, so that he could announce to the whole pub (very loudly in his country burr) that you've LOST ALL YOUR POINTS! Not sure about the rest of the pub, but he found it all very entertaining.

I think you had to be there...

The second seated area at AFC Totton.

I was reminded of the old boy in the pub on Saturday. I was visiting AFC Totton for the second in HAH's "New Ground Trilogy", following on from Hythe & Dibden at Clayfields last week. Totton's Testwood Stadium was opened in February 2011, a month after I started writing Hopping Around Hampshire, and this is the first time I've featured it.

It was a special day, as before kick-off, Mike Gosney was presented with a silver plate and a bottle of champers by Lawrie McMenemy. Mike was going to be playing in his 387th game for the club, breaking the appearance record previously held by Mark Osman. He'd played in the first competitive match at the new Wembley in 2007, when Totton lost to Truro City in front of the largest-ever FA Vase final crowd - he's the only player still at the club from that day. He had a short time at Gosport Borough a couple of years ago, otherwise he's been loyal to Totton, scoring 174 goals mostly from the wing. I've seen him many times and always been impressed.

Manager Steve Hollick had said beforehand that they wanted to win this one for Gos, but it was going to be a tough game: visitors Evesham United had beaten The Stags 6-0 at their place in November.

Mike Gosney chats with some fans during a break in play.

It was 11th versus 8th. Evesham have arguably underperformed this season, dropping down from last season's runners-up spot. Perhaps they've found it hard to recover from their play-off semi-final defeat against Larkhall Athletic? On the other hand, Totton seem to be on their way back after a couple of difficult seasons when they could have gone out of business with large debts. They'd only been beaten once in their last seven games.

It was the away team who started stronger, taking the lead after 13 minutes, Adam Mann heading in a precise cross from six yards. At this stage, Evesham had THREE POINTS.

Five minutes later, they were down to ONE POINT as Totton equalised. Nick Watts picked the ball up in his stride from a long throw by keeper Steve Mowthorpe. He ran half the length of the pitch leaving his pursuers behind like a cheetah being chased by [insert slower animals here]. As he approached the byline, he zipped over a cross for Nathaniel Sherborne to power in with his head at the back post for 1-1.

The game was quite even up until half-time, both sides having further chances to score.

The ref enjoys the celebrations following AFC Totton's second goal.

It was the next goal which made me chuckle inside, as I thought about the old boy in Suffolk. I could just imagine him standing behind the goal at the far end, letting the Evesham defence know (in no uncertain terms) that YOU'VE LOST ALL YOUR POINTS. It was a good goal too - the best of the match - as Sherborne pinged a superb pass from under the shadow of the stand for Watts to once again take in his stride. This time, he placed the ball accurately in to the far corner beyond the outstretched fingers of the Evesham keeper.

As every bar billiards player knows, you can lose all your points during the game, but there's always time to retrieve some of them. And so it proved, as Evesham equalised a few minutes later. Mann was again sniffing around the six-yard line as a cross came in. This time, he shot low and hard. Mowthorpe appeared to make a decent save, but the twenty or so away fans behind the goal yelled for a goal as they believed the ball had crossed the line. The referee agreed and it was 2-2.

There is a match highlights video here. The goal/not-a-goal controversy is inconclusive. See what you think...

One last big effort towards the end of the game with the scores at level pegging.

As I mentioned previously, I've not featured a match from this stadium before - so what's it like? Well, Groundtastic magazine liked it so much that they gave it their Non-League Ground Of The Year award in 2011 (if you want to read the article, you will find it in issue 65 (Summer 2011)).

They liked the main stand, describing it as "tall and bold". It's certainly the main focal point. It can be seen clearly from the road which passes the ground. Every time I drive past it, I have to turn my head and admire it. There's plenty of legroom and the steepness - or rake - of the stand means that there's little chance of sitting behind a tall person and not being able to see anything.

Groundtastic also liked the fact that they'd recycled their old stand, bringing it from the old ground, 1.3 miles away at Testwood Park (now 84 houses and flats called The Mallards - prices up to £386,000 if you're interested in moving there). The old stand is long and shallow, and similarly to a lot of other grounds, the view of the pitch is obscured by railings if you sit in the front two rows of blue bench seats. When the new ground was built by Linden Homes (who bought AFC Totton's and Totton & Eling's former grounds for housing - 106 addresses now at T&E's Southern Gardens at an average of £200,000 each), I think they should have placed this stand on at least one step of concrete - too late now, unfortunately.

The Mallards, Totton. Formerly a football ground.

The best thing about the ground for me is the extensive terracing on all four sides, of all different shapes and sizes - rare in Hampshire. If I was a regular here, I'm sure I'd have "my own patch". A slight criticism of this terracing from Groundtastic was that the low stand obscures a small corner of the pitch from one of the quirky bits of terrace, but I stood there for a bit and it didn't bother me - the portion of missing pitch is minuscule.

Aside from this minor criticism, Groundtastic also commented on the claustrophobic narrowness of the walkways between the pitch railings and the terrace railings, which was fair enough - it's all a bit "After you, Claude" when meeting someone coming in the opposite direction.

An observation for future development would be the possible provision of a covered and elevated area for wheelchair and mobility scooter users. There is potentially space for this between the old stand and the terrace at the entrance end. If a wheelchair user came to watch a match at Testwood, there is plenty of flat standing around the pitch perimeter, but as with the front benches in the old stand, the railings obscure the view without some sort of elevation.

But do I like this ground? Yes, I do. It's not perfect, but it's way better than it could have been - the main stand being particularly well designed. Oh, and I loved the club shop and the spacious bar and the clean toilets...

I'll be back.

One of the stewards watches on as Totton attack the far end.

As an addendum, according to my statistics, AFC Totton have yet to be beaten when I've covered them, although this was the first time they've failed to win.

More reports from this entertaining game can be found here and here.

I shall put up some more photos from the match on the Hopping Around Hampshire Facebook page shortly.

The next report should be in two weeks from a Wessex League stadium. The " New Ground Trilogy" Part 3. This one should be safe from possible weather-related postponements.

They'll Be On Their Hands and Knees...

A hint of drizzle in the air as half-time hot dogs are served at HAH's most successful club, Team Solent.

They'll be on their hands and knees, begging me to come back next season once they know that I'm their lucky charm...

The final part of HAH's summer stats series sees the top ten revealed. The top ten most successful clubs in the history of this blog. The undefeated heroes, the goals against columns with the most zeroes. It's the same deal as the previous three posts - a table of stats followed by individual results. Two points awarded for a win (although this rule didn't affect the top or bottom of the table at all).

The stadium of dreams / nightmares (delete as applicable...)

Firstly, the table:

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	Pts	Pts/Game
10.	Moneyfields	4	3	1	0	7	4	+3	7	1.75
9.	Eversley & California	1	1	0	0	2	1	+1	2	2.00
8.	Fleetlands	1	1	0	0	4	3	+1	2	2.00
6=.	Andover Town	1	1	0	0	2	0	+2	2	2.00
6=.	Southampton	1	1	0	0	2	0	+2	2	2.00
5.	Folland Sports	1	1	0	0	3	1	+2	2	2.00
4.	Winchester City	1	1	0	0	3	0	+3	2	2.00
3.	AFC Totton	3	3	0	0	5	1	+4	6	2.00
2.	Eastleigh	3	3	0	0	8	4	+4	6	2.00
1.	Team Solent	2	2	0	0	9	4	+5	4	2.00

The referee signals for an indirect free-kick at Eversley (& California).

And now for the individual records:

10. MONEYFIELDS
Sep 2011 v Gosport Borough (h) 2-1
Aug 2013 v Romsey Town (a) 1-0
Nov 2013 v Odd Down (Bath) (a) 3-2
Dec 2013 v Bitton (h) 1-1 (abandoned during extra-time due to players fighting)

9. EVERSLEY & CALIFORNIA
Mar 2013 v Banstead Athletic (h) 2-1

8. FLEETLANDS
Oct 2014 v Overton United (h) 4-3

You may have noticed from the table that six of the top ten have only played one game with HAH in attendance, so that their overall positions could arguably be distorted, but then, who's to say that they wouldn't win again if I reported on them a second time? I have every intention of seeing most of these "single-game-so-far" clubs this coming season (if the fixtures work out in their favour). Perhaps Eversley & California will top the charts if I do these stats again next summer?

The Moneyfields game against Bitton saw the blog's highest number of single day visits when I reported on it in 2013 (around 300 views compared to the usual 50 or so for the first day of an average match report). Oh, and by the by, Fleetlands are the top Portsmouth area club...

Andover Town's box-like stand at the Portway.

6=. ANDOVER TOWN
Mar 2014 v New Milton Town (h) 2-0

6=. SOUTHAMPTON
Feb 2012 v Burnley (h) 2-0

5. FOLLAND SPORTS
Jan 2012 v Hayling United (h) 3-1

One match each for these three, and all at home, but they could only beat what was put in front of them, as the cliché goes. Andover Town are the top mid-county side, with the other clubs in the top six all coming from the Southampton area. Please don't gloat, Sotonians...

Like all true ultra groups, AFC Totton have their own version of the Union Jack.

4. WINCHESTER CITY
Aug 2012 v Alton Town (h) 3-0

3. AFC TOTTON
Jan 2011 v Sholing (h) 2-1
Apr 2011 v Gosport Borough (a) 1-0
Jan 2015 v Wimborne Town (a) 2-0

AFC Totton are the first of three sides with 100% records after more than one featured match on HAH. All the more impressive when you notice that two of their three victories were away from home. I intend to file a report from their new ground this season, but the fixtures will have to fall right at some point over next nine months for that to happen (see also: Hythe & Dibden).

Shivering in the November rain outside Eastleigh's Executive Suite last season.

2. EASTLEIGH
Jan 2011 v Havant & Waterlooville (h) 4-2
Apr 2014 v Basingstoke Town (h) 2-1
Nov 2014 v Lincoln City (h) 2-1

1. TEAM SOLENT
Nov 2011 v AFC Portchester (a) 5-4
Jan 2013 v Whitchurch United (h) 4-0

The team representing the students of Solent University in Southampton are HAH's most successful side! Not only that, but they play within walking distance of my house! Two wins, nine goals...If only the sun had shone at any point during their two featured matches! I recall heavy, gloomy, grey skies with a hint of drizzle both times. Never mind! Well done to them. Newly promoted to the Wessex League Premier Division this season, let's see if they can hold on to pole position this time next year...

The setting sun glows on a factory behind Moneyfields' ground in Portsmouth.

Okay, that's enough stats for one summer! I'll be back with my first match report of 2015/16 in mid-August. The current plan is to visit a North Berkshire League ground in Oxfordshire to watch an FA Cup tie between an Hellenic League side and a Hampshire-based club from the Combined Counties League. It will all make sense, I promise!