Fareham Town v Moneyfields

Fareham Town Football Club: Prest A Faire, or "Ready To Act"!

There's this website called what3words. It's one of these clever start-ups run by brainy people with big ideas. The simple concept behind the website is that there are a lot of places on Earth that are not addressed, and are therefore effectively invisible. It's okay for us in the West - we know we live at 43 East Bloggs Street with an appropriate postcode or zipcode or whatever - we can be found easily enough by the postie.

But what if you lived in a shanty town and an ambulance needed to reach you? We have latitude, longitude, degrees, minutes and seconds, so you can be georeferenced that way, but who on Earth knows their precise geographical co-ordinates? Not me, that's for sure.

In the UK, we could use our Ordnance Survey National Grid reference - this works very well, but again, have you memorised the grid reference for your home? Well, quite! And this only works for the UK - live in a shack in Dar-es-Salaam and you're back to square one.

Fareham's flag fluttering in the wind by the tea hut.

Details:
Fareham Town FC (0) 0 v 0 (0) Moneyfields FC
Sydenhams Wessex League Premier Division
Tuesday 8th September 2015
Attendance: 95
Admission: £6
Programme: £1
Colours: Red and black stripes / black / red v Yellow / navy blue / navy blue
National Grid reference: SU5705

Another flag, but this one is attached to the corner pole.

So, what what3words have done is georeference everywhere on the planet with a unique three word code. Every 10m x 10m square on Earth can be memorised by the occupants of that space and can be found by the local postie or emergency services. Any temporary tent put up by a refugee can be found quickly if a baby falls sick, as long as there is a smartphone at hand with the what3words app installed.

Obviously, if three words are generated at random, there will be weird and wonderful addresses out there. Go and have a look and see if you live at "grumbling.cheese.monkey". Somebody will.

(Zoom in to your area of interest, move the map around until the pointer is over, for example, your house, and check the three words at the bottom of the screen - that's your what3words 10 metre global grid reference).

No idea how they make any money.

Fareham Town's large stand, built in 1975, squeezed in between two newer dugouts.

Looking at the what3words website and hovering over Fareham Town's Cams Alders football ground, I find that I ordered my pre-match cuppa and Twix at the tea hut, which I found at "flush.glorious.hotels". Wandering towards the big old red-seated stand with large, hot paper cup in hand (bargain at a quid), I found a seat at "imagined.massaging.alley" (the mind boggles...).

A few minutes later, full of tea and chocolate, it was down the ironwork steps to the covered standing area (set well back from the pitch due to there being a disused running track between the two - the track now being covered in green carpet due to a bizarre FA rule forbidding gravel in a football ground). I checked the team board at "scorch.bramble.zones" and noted that several relatively well-known players on each side were missing due to holidays.

Whilst I was checking the teams, the players were receiving their last-minute instructions in the changing room block at "pumpkin.crisp.scorpions". Anyway, you get the idea...

Apparently, there are places in Africa where this notion has really taken off and the residents have spray-painted their what3words reference on the walls of their shacks. This hasn't yet happened in Fareham.

Fareham's announcer waiting to read out the raffle results at half-time.

It was the evening of Wayne Rooney's record-breaking fiftieth goal for England. It was the day that Queen Elizabeth II drew level at the top of the royal reign charts with Queen Vicky. It was my first 0-0 draw for nearly two years.

Ah well.

They call it the "dreaded" nil-nil, but does it really matter? I was out in the fresh air, meeting new people, chewing the fat and leaving all my worries at home for a few hours. I don't really go for the football. It's more of a social event.

I met Paul "Splodge" Proctor, Fareham Town's secretary. He groundhops when he's not watching his club play, so he was able to tell me about a few worthwhile grounds in North Wales that I could visit when I go and see my son at university in that area.

Also there were fellow ground enthusiasts Messrs Stadium Trotter and Non-League South (who tweets useful information about football in this area for his followers when he's not running United Services Portsmouth's website). It was a veritable blogger's and tweeter's convention, with rumours that Mr Hopper & Son was also in the house (we never met on Tuesday evening, although I'm sure we shall do at some point).

Moneyfields' Aaron Cook wins this aerial battle in midfield.

I'd been taking notes during the game for this match report, as had Paul for the Fareham website and programme. We looked at the length of each other's notes during the second half and shook our heads sadly at the lack of worthy action on the pitch.

I'd had it all worked out pre-match. I was going to describe the goals with what3words grid references..."so-and-so picked up the ball at "handy.advising.beakers" and rolled it through to XXX, who was one-on-one with the keeper at "burglars.disputes.seagull". Without hesitating, he lobbed the stranded custodian, the ball bounced once, twice, and trickled over the line at "assorted.cabbies.sobbed" before Defender X could stick out a despairing leg to stop it...etc"

It would have been like the BBC radio commentaries of the first half of the twentieth century when a plummy voice in the background would give out grid references (which you would follow in your copy of the Radio Times whilst sat next to the family wireless listening in...A2...B4...D3...grizzled.egg.sputum...).

Absolutely no-one would have had a clue what I was talking about, but I'm used to that.

Pretty sunset behind the poplars.

Back to the real match, and there wasn't a great deal for the Fareham Ultras to shout about. They had their flags out as usual - Belgium's was well to the fore - apparently, the flag of Greenland makes a regular appearance, but wasn't there on Tuesday. I'd brought my Albanian flag with me (red and black, just like Fareham's kit...), but felt a bit self-conscious about joining in and putting it up behind the goal with the others. Perhaps I'll do it next time I go and watch the Creeksiders.

If Moneys had any ultras, they would have been more pleased with what they'd seen. The team from Copnor in Portsmouth had the majority of the chances either side of half-time and probably should have converted at least one of them, but it wasn't to be. The closest they came was a disallowed headed goal for Tom McInnes from a marginal offside decision.

Fareham came close to snatching the three points near the end. Firstly, Simon Woods blasted in a powerful cross-shot which was deflected in to the side netting, and then, with the last kick of the game, Zac Gill let rip with a powerful shot from twenty yards which skimmed the outside of the post with Moneys' keeper well beaten.

No goals, but a pleasant evening spent with some interesting people, which is never a bad thing.

Blogger takes pic of blogger taking a pic: that's Sheridan the Stadium Trotter over there...

Before I go, Splodge would like a mystery solved on behalf of Fareham Town Football Club. We need somebody who understands Polish for this one...

Apparently, the Creeksiders' left-back, Mattheusz Zaremski, claims that he played for Poland at under-17 and under-18 level. However, nobody at the club can verify this claim, as none of them can read Polish. You can find his name with a web search, but the articles that he's mentioned in are impossible to understand without a working knowledge of his native tongue. So, did he, or didn't he? Over to you...

Splodge's more detailed match report can be read here.

Next time out, I'm hoping for an interesting FA Cup match to report on. Failing that, I shall go elsewhere on September 26th. I promise I won't use any what3words grid references next time. Or ever again.

They'll Be On Their Hands and Knees...

A hint of drizzle in the air as half-time hot dogs are served at HAH's most successful club, Team Solent.

They'll be on their hands and knees, begging me to come back next season once they know that I'm their lucky charm...

The final part of HAH's summer stats series sees the top ten revealed. The top ten most successful clubs in the history of this blog. The undefeated heroes, the goals against columns with the most zeroes. It's the same deal as the previous three posts - a table of stats followed by individual results. Two points awarded for a win (although this rule didn't affect the top or bottom of the table at all).

The stadium of dreams / nightmares (delete as applicable...)

Firstly, the table:

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	Pts	Pts/Game
10.	Moneyfields	4	3	1	0	7	4	+3	7	1.75
9.	Eversley & California	1	1	0	0	2	1	+1	2	2.00
8.	Fleetlands	1	1	0	0	4	3	+1	2	2.00
6=.	Andover Town	1	1	0	0	2	0	+2	2	2.00
6=.	Southampton	1	1	0	0	2	0	+2	2	2.00
5.	Folland Sports	1	1	0	0	3	1	+2	2	2.00
4.	Winchester City	1	1	0	0	3	0	+3	2	2.00
3.	AFC Totton	3	3	0	0	5	1	+4	6	2.00
2.	Eastleigh	3	3	0	0	8	4	+4	6	2.00
1.	Team Solent	2	2	0	0	9	4	+5	4	2.00

The referee signals for an indirect free-kick at Eversley (& California).

And now for the individual records:

10. MONEYFIELDS
Sep 2011 v Gosport Borough (h) 2-1
Aug 2013 v Romsey Town (a) 1-0
Nov 2013 v Odd Down (Bath) (a) 3-2
Dec 2013 v Bitton (h) 1-1 (abandoned during extra-time due to players fighting)

9. EVERSLEY & CALIFORNIA
Mar 2013 v Banstead Athletic (h) 2-1

8. FLEETLANDS
Oct 2014 v Overton United (h) 4-3

You may have noticed from the table that six of the top ten have only played one game with HAH in attendance, so that their overall positions could arguably be distorted, but then, who's to say that they wouldn't win again if I reported on them a second time? I have every intention of seeing most of these "single-game-so-far" clubs this coming season (if the fixtures work out in their favour). Perhaps Eversley & California will top the charts if I do these stats again next summer?

The Moneyfields game against Bitton saw the blog's highest number of single day visits when I reported on it in 2013 (around 300 views compared to the usual 50 or so for the first day of an average match report). Oh, and by the by, Fleetlands are the top Portsmouth area club...

Andover Town's box-like stand at the Portway.

6=. ANDOVER TOWN
Mar 2014 v New Milton Town (h) 2-0

6=. SOUTHAMPTON
Feb 2012 v Burnley (h) 2-0

5. FOLLAND SPORTS
Jan 2012 v Hayling United (h) 3-1

One match each for these three, and all at home, but they could only beat what was put in front of them, as the cliché goes. Andover Town are the top mid-county side, with the other clubs in the top six all coming from the Southampton area. Please don't gloat, Sotonians...

Like all true ultra groups, AFC Totton have their own version of the Union Jack.

4. WINCHESTER CITY
Aug 2012 v Alton Town (h) 3-0

3. AFC TOTTON
Jan 2011 v Sholing (h) 2-1
Apr 2011 v Gosport Borough (a) 1-0
Jan 2015 v Wimborne Town (a) 2-0

AFC Totton are the first of three sides with 100% records after more than one featured match on HAH. All the more impressive when you notice that two of their three victories were away from home. I intend to file a report from their new ground this season, but the fixtures will have to fall right at some point over next nine months for that to happen (see also: Hythe & Dibden).

Shivering in the November rain outside Eastleigh's Executive Suite last season.

2. EASTLEIGH
Jan 2011 v Havant & Waterlooville (h) 4-2
Apr 2014 v Basingstoke Town (h) 2-1
Nov 2014 v Lincoln City (h) 2-1

1. TEAM SOLENT
Nov 2011 v AFC Portchester (a) 5-4
Jan 2013 v Whitchurch United (h) 4-0

The team representing the students of Solent University in Southampton are HAH's most successful side! Not only that, but they play within walking distance of my house! Two wins, nine goals...If only the sun had shone at any point during their two featured matches! I recall heavy, gloomy, grey skies with a hint of drizzle both times. Never mind! Well done to them. Newly promoted to the Wessex League Premier Division this season, let's see if they can hold on to pole position this time next year...

The setting sun glows on a factory behind Moneyfields' ground in Portsmouth.

Okay, that's enough stats for one summer! I'll be back with my first match report of 2015/16 in mid-August. The current plan is to visit a North Berkshire League ground in Oxfordshire to watch an FA Cup tie between an Hellenic League side and a Hampshire-based club from the Combined Counties League. It will all make sense, I promise!

The 3rd Annual Festive Parade of Rusty Rollers

The Cobra at Brockenhurst FC.

Welcome to Hopping Around Hampshire's third annual Festive Parade Of Rusty Rollers! Make yourself at home whilst I present the first half of the 2013/14 season's collection of non-league groundsmen's equipment.

I thought I was never going to see a new roller again after starting the season at Pompey, Romsey Town and Hythe & Dibden - only Romsey had one on show, and I've featured that one before. Luckily, I do go to matches other than the ones I write about on here, so a visit to Brockenhurst for their FA Cup game with Folland Sports at the end of August came up trumps with what I've christened "The Cobra", due to its bent handle/neck. Hissss!

Spotting The Cobra was a good thing. However, I was gutted to see that Tabitha Tractor had gone. Still one of my favourite Hampshire grounds though, even without the old girl.

On a breezeblock at Kidlington FC.

I'm following Hampshire clubs in the FA Vase this season, so I've filed reports from outside the county from time to time. There were rollers at all three "foreign" fields I've visited thus far. Unfortunately, I failed to photograph the one at Bracknell Town - I only spotted it on my way out of the ground, through some wooden slats in a compound. Shyness overcame me as I suddenly believed that everyone was watching me (it is a bit weird snapping these things, after all), so I walked on past, whistling a tuneless tune of regret.

On my next Vase trip to Kidlington, I had a beer in the clubhouse before the match, and somehow, all shyness disappeared. I was straight outta the bar, my dander well and truly up as I spotted a roller on a breezeblock and some old grass-cutting equipment attempting to hide in the undergrowth.

Andover New Street's roller had a front row seat for their bonfire in November.

During a break from the Vase, I revisited Andover New Street on the day of their bonfire party, and thank goodness I did, as I found the old fella above, cowering near the huge pile of wood that would later go up in flames. I patted it and comforted it and assured it that everything would be fine - "You're made out of metal mate, they won't burn you"...

Andover New Street's overworked leaf-picker having a well-earned rest.

...also at New Street was an overworked and stressed leaf-picker, resting against the back of a dugout after a busy morning's work clearing the pitch for their match against Fleet Spurs.

Hidden out of sight at Odd Down (Bath).

Back on the Vase trail in November, it was time to go to Bath for some Christmas shopping and a match at Odd Down. No groundsmen's equipment around the pitch, but through a gap in a gate, I could see Les B's rusty lump of old iron. And was that a white line painter behind?

Moneyfields to the rescue!

You can always trust Moneyfields to come up with some rusty gems. At their abandoned Vase match with Bitton a fortnight ago, I found many many pieces of much-loved equipment lying around. I think I may have snapped the above roller before, but it was in a different place, so I'm counting it for a second time. Tick! Behind the roller was a rather exciting mini-dumper truck, which several small boys found irresistible as an oversized toy throughout the match.

Lined up ready for inspection at Moneyfields.

Beside the stand was more equipment, including an old watering can. Nice, but not as fascinating as these wheelbarrows, all lined up on parade ready for inspection. Oi, Yellow Wheels! Have a wash!

A proper turnstile at Bracknell Town FC.

To make up for the episode of shyness at Bracknell, I'm ending this Festive Parade not with a roller, but with one of The Robins' splendid old turnstiles. Part of what made their Larges Lane ground my favourite new ground of the first half of the season.

Previous Festive Parades can be found here and here. End of season round ups are here and here.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all my readers. And who made the 40,000th page view just before I started typing this morning? Probably a spambot.