End of Season Roller Round-Up 2015/16

AFC Stoneham. Raced by Dani Behr.

There are so many celebrity reality shows on TV these days. I've been told by a trusted source that there was a show on one of the minor channels on Freeview recently which went by the name of Celebrity Scraping The Barrel, wherein minor celebrities from the worlds of entertainment, sport and politics literally scraped real wooden barrels in ever more unlikely ways with different kitchen utensils. The worst scraper was sent home at the end of each show, until they were just left with ex-Ipswich Town midfielder Colin Viljoen and the controversial former Tory MP for Cannock Chase, Aidan Burley in a final day scrape-off with beetroot strainers for the series trophy.

Hythe & Dibden. Manhandled by Elton Welsby.

This got me thinking. "They'll put any old nonsense on the telly these days - so many hours to fill on so many channels. Maybe, just maybe, I could come up with a brand new idea, something no-one has thought of before that would appeal to advertisers and that I could therefore sell to a desperate commissioning editor..."

After a couple of beers and an hour or two of deep thought, a lightbulb lit up above my head.

Celebrity Rolling!

Of course! My idea involved down-on-their-luck minor celebrities preparing non-league football pitches against the clock! "Jodie Prenger, you have just one hour to fork and roll Fareham Town's pitch to make it playable for this evening's El Creekio against AFC Portchester! And to make the task even harder, you have to mow the grass in a spiralled pattern, starting at the centre spot and gradually making the circles wider and wider..."

This might just work! Although, to be fair, I might give Jodie two hours to complete her task - one hour would be a bit tight.

AFC Totton. Greased by Noam Chomsky.

I'd need to source props - willing rollers and mowers to help with the show, as I'd have to knock together a pilot to show the men at the television stations. (If you've seen a shifty bloke taking photos of rusty rollers and talking to wonky wheelbarrows over the last few months, it was probably me, but you can now understand why).

And so, in January, my task began. Go to a match, search out the rusty groundsman's equipment, and talk business. I gained assent from eight different clubs to potentially film celebrities rolling their pitches against the clock, so it was all systems go...

I'd need celebrities as well, so I downloaded a book of contacts off of the web, and started e-mailing a few agents. The first to get back to me was Dani Behr's Mr 10%. Apparently, she'd be free to pop along for a couple of days in early May, as she was visiting friends in the Eastleigh area anyway.  Immediately, I contacted AFC Stoneham to check that their equipment was still available. It was, so I met Dani at Southampton Airport Parkway and drove her to the home of The Purples.

The club were well prepared, and had their roller out all ready for action. Unfortunately, Dani's agent had given her a garbled message, as she thought she was going to be racing lawnmowers against other celebrities. As soon as she spotted Stoneham's motor mower, she was on it, turning the key and revving up the engine. With flames spewing out of the exhaust like a Santa Pod dragster, she was off, whizzing over the pitch, careering through the fence separating AFC Stoneham from the golf driving range next door, trouncing golf balls by the dozen as she zoomed over the driving range...the last we heard, she was bombing up the M3 in the outside lane, heading for Winchester.

Such a shame, as we were going to call that episode Rollin' Dani, in an attempt to appeal to middle-aged Fall fans (a notoriously difficult target audience for advertisers).

Banbury United. Lovingly stroked by Mariella Frostrup.

After The Dani Behr Disaster (if any indie kids out there are looking for a band name, I have the rights to that one, but am willing to do a deal), I needed someone a little calmer, preferably someone with football connections who would understand what we were trying to do. This is where sports presenter Elton Welsby came in.

Elton travelled down from his home in the north-west for the day in his vintage Humber Hawk saloon. He was going to combine a morning visit to Hythe & Dibden's Clayfields ground with a commentary gig at a crown green bowling tournament in New Milton in the afternoon. It didn't go well. I've been sworn to secrecy, but the angle of the training light in the photo tells its own story.

As I was driving back through Totton after The Elton Welsby Disappointment, I spotted American linguist and historian Noam Chomsky coming out of the Romna Indian Takeaway with a biriani in his hand. I stopped and we chatted, and to cut a long story short, we ended up at AFC Totton's football ground. Chomsky was fascinated with my proposition that he appear on The Rusty Roller Show (as I'd started calling it). He felt he'd become typecast as a "serious kinda guy" and would love to be seen as having a lighter side by the general public.

However, as soon as he saw Totton's rusty lawnmower, he insisted that we pop in to Halford's and buy some oil to grease it up a bit before he would ride it on to the pitch. So there I was in the second week of May, on my hands and knees, greasing a lawnmower with Noam Chomsky. By the time we'd finished, it was nearly dark, but Noam insisted that the mower should have a catchy name painted on it, like the contraptions on Scrapheap Challenge. He wanted it to be called Mud Monster, after his favourite Scrapheap episode. So off I went to find some paint on the nearby Calmore Estate, knocking on strangers' doors at 10 o'clock at night and begging them for a tin of old emulsion. It must have been the state of me, covered from head to toe in grease, or perhaps it was the wild-eyed gibbering after such a long day, but I had a lot of funny looks, but no paint to show for my efforts.

By the time I arrived back at the stadium, Noam Chomsky had gone. As had the mower (tidied up and put away in a shed by the groundsman). So that was that.

Gaerwen. Chased Bob Carolgees off of Anglesey. Not sure what happened to Spit The Dog.

I roamed further than the county boundaries these past few months, looking for rusty TV stars of the future. I went to Banbury United, who agreed to let Mariella Frostrup dress up their roller as a roly-poly cat, with fake ears, perky tail and whiskers. When it started purring and coughing up furballs, we realised we were getting nowhere and had to abandon that episode.

When my contact in the biz rang me one afternoon and told me that Pedigree were relaunching their Chum brand, and that Bob Carolgees and Spit The Dog were interested in doing the programme, we agreed that we should pursue the dog food makers and discuss a synergetic marketing strategy of benefit to us both. You come on board as programme sponsors, and we'll get you Spit The Dog noshing away on a bowl of Chum whilst Brummie comedian Bob Carolgees rolls a spongy centre circle against the clock at a scenic ground in North Wales. Win-win for us both. Well, that was the idea.

When we arrived at Gaerwen on Anglesey (with snow-capped Snowdon glistening in the distance, making it the perfect setting for both ourselves and our sponsors), we were greeted by a disconcertingly fierce pair of rollers. Apparently, these two had been crossbred with pitbulls and didn't take too kindly to hoity-toity, high-falutin' Spit The Dog prancing around on their manor.

We couldn't get out of there fast enough. We needed a fast car to make our getaway, as we were being pursued by the Terrible Twosome. Luckily, German motor racing legend Timo Glock was just passing by as we made our exit. He saw what was happening, opened the passenger doors on his high-end Beamer, we leapt in, and two minutes later we were crossing the Menai Strait, safe and sound.

When I say "we"... myself and Bob both made it. Sadly, Spit The Dog had been left behind in the rush to get away. I should probably give Bob a tinkle and find out what happened to his best friend.

Lewes. Ignored by Naomi Klein.

I don't know what kind of a list of "celebrities" and their agents I downloaded, but the next person I had a confirmation of interest from was environmental activist and the author of No Logo and This Changes Everything, Naomi Klein. She was in Brighton for a meeting of the local branch of the Occupy movement, so she agreed to meet us at The Dripping Pan, home of nearby Lewes FC. We had the club roller out ready for her nice and early (a natty green number - I'd even given it a clean with an artificial chamois leather cloth). She'd promised to turn up for lunch in the clubhouse to meet us, which she duly did. We sat down and were enjoying a healthy meal of samosas and salad, when she suddenly excused herself and strode across the clubhouse to the other side, where she shook hands with someone familiar.

It took me a few minutes, but eventually I recognised Naomi's new companion - it was the leader of the UK Green Party, Natalie Bennett. They were obviously enjoying each other's company, so I let them chat for a while. In the meantime, I popped outside to do some last minute preparations for filming. When I returned to the clubhouse to chivvy Naomi up, I found I could barely get in the door. The place was packed. And there was Naomi, stood on a table, giving a rousing speech on corporate tax avoidance and climate change to half of Lewes. I beckoned to her, but she clearly wasn't interested in rolling Lewes's pitch any longer. We decided to leave her to it and moved on.

Controversial artist Grayson Perry had agreed to meet us at Liss Athletic's ground the following day. I must admit, after so many setbacks, I wondered just what else could go wrong. Would we ever get to make our pilot? Well, Grayson did turn up and we had an interesting conversation about his time at Portsmouth Polytechnic, where he studied fine art in the early 1980s.

When we got around to digging out the groundsman's equipment, we couldn't find a roller. Instead, there was a stepladder, a wheelbarrow and a bin. Grayson immediately got to work, constructing a fascinating sculpture behind the far goal, which he said was a representation of modern masculinity. Clever stuff, but with no roller, there was to be no filming that day.

Liss Athletic. Sculpted by Grayson Perry.

We decided to give ourselves one last chance to get the pilot done. After seven celebrities and seven abandoned attempts at filming, our final hope was Olympic cycling gold medallist, Dani King. Now, Dani has a gold telephone box painted in her honour in her home town of Hamble, and she went to Barton Peveril Sixth Form College in Eastleigh, so she has plenty of local connections. She was also in training for the Rio Olympics, so when we told her about the rolling, she agreed to do it because it would help her build up a bit of extra stamina for the summer ahead. This was very promising. What could possibly go wrong this time?

Answer: Nothing! We did it! Dani cycled to Baffins Milton Rovers from her parental home in Hamble, resting her bike upon their roller whilst we discussed our proposition in more depth. She was superb, doing everything asked of her. I won't tell you how quickly she rolled Baffins' pitch or in what pattern, as we were able to sell our pilot to a start-up channel which launches on Freeview in September. They promised us an early evening slot. I make a cameo appearance in the background, wearing a fedora and smoking a cigar in the stand. Dani said that she'd ask Wiggle to sponsor the show. Best of all, we were able to call the pilot show Rollin' Dani after all. Those advertisers searching for grumpy Fall fans to sell their tat to will be overjoyed!

Look out for us in the Autumn!

Baffins Milton Rovers. Ridden on by Dani King.

Okay, before anybody asks me if any of this is true, the answer is...no (apart from the bit about Timo Glock*). It was just a different way of presenting this Spring's roller pictures to you. There are many other pieces of nonsense like this, which are tagged Rollers etc.

My next project is to write a few hundred words for a new book about the last 30 years of Romsey Town FC, which should be coming out during the 2016/17 season. It will be the follow-up to the centenary book, which came out thirty years ago. The author is Jack Smith. If you have any fond memories (or photos) of the club from 1986 to the present day, I'm sure Jack would love to hear from you. You can contact him either via HAH, or you can find him on the HAH Facebook page. This is a real project, by the way - I'm not making this one up.

That'll do. Enjoy the rest of the summer!

*The bit about Timo Glock was also made up...

Hythe & Dibden v Fleet Spurs

Hythe & Dibden Football Club, as viewed from the mound behind their new Clayfields ground.

I don't know if you were as obsessed with football as I was as a youngster, but I would live and breathe the game all day long. If I wasn't playing on the field over the back of our house with my friends, or making heroic one-handed saves as goalkeeper in my school football team, I would be in my bedroom reading Shoot! or playing Subbuteo. If I had no-one to play Subbuteo with, I'd play on my own - I'd use my index finger to flick one team, and my middle finger to flick the other (not a lot of difference between the two); however, if one team should be significantly better than the other in real life - say, Brazil versus Blackpool - then it would be right hand v left hand, with the right handed team invariably winning to make it more realistic.

I had one wall in my bedroom covered in expensive football wallpaper (limited edition, celebrating the FA Cup match between Pompey and Arsenal in 1971). Covering all four walls with this wallpaper would have been well out of my parents' budget, so the rest of my room had what would now be referred to as a typically kitsch and coveted (by hipsters) '70s design (concentric circles in different shades of green).

Anyway, the "football wall" was splattered with all sorts of memorabilia - pennants, plaques, Panini stickers - any club, anything football-related. My bedroom and cupboard doors would be hidden behind team posters from Shoot! Whenever a new club picture was published, I would take down the old one and replace it.

The silvery January sun shines down upon the players as they emerge from the dressing rooms for the first half.

Details:
Hythe & Dibden FC (1) 5 v 1 (1) Fleet Spurs FC
Sydenhams Wessex League Division One
Saturday 23rd January 2016
Attendance: 40-ish
Admission: £5
Programme: Not available due to all the recent postponements, but they would have posted me one for free if I'd left an address
Colours: Green / white / white v Dark blue and red / dark blue / dark blue
National Grid reference: SU4007

Hythe & Dibden brought their seating unit from Jones Lane. They spruced it up a bit, adding some extra wooden steps on this side.

I wasn't satisfied with real football clubs. I eventually had to invent my own. I would spend hours drawing maps of imaginary countries, plotting cities, towns and villages with interconnecting roads and railways; rivers with estuaries and islands; ferry routes to other countries in dashed lines across the sea...

Each settlement would have its own football club (the bigger cities, annotated with squares instead of ever-decreasing circles, would have more than one club). Each football club would have its own kits (home and away, outlines drawn in a book using a cardboard template and coloured in with felt-tip pens). The clubs would have nicknames, managers (inspired by names scouted from the telephone directory), and stadium names (with capacities).

These imaginary clubs would then be placed in divisions (four, obviously) and play each other home and away in competitions involving LogActa dice. Big matches, such as cup finals, would be played on the Subbuteo pitch on my bedroom floor. Occasionally, players would be knelt on and have both their ankles broken. With no substitutes in those days, it was just hard luck. The teams would just get on with it, uncomplainingly.

The portable shelter side with the changing rooms/clubhouse beyond.

Despite spending all this time inventing my fanciful football world, I never once designed an imaginary football stadium for any of my clubs. What would they have been like? Well, they would have been based upon my experiences gained in real life. As a regular at Fratton Park, riding down the Eastern Road on the back of my dad's scooter every other Saturday, hanging on to his midriff for dear life, I would have known that any stadium would have to have clackity wooden seats and crumbly terraces, for starters. A roof would be an optional luxury, especially at the away end.

Turnstiles? Yes, and if small boys could be passed over them to get in to the ground for free, all the better.

Floodlights? Of course, the bigger the better - enormous lattice towers with hundreds of bulbs attached at the top. Obviously, if spectators wanted to climb the lattice towers during a game to get a better view, that would be quite acceptable.

Toilets? Very necessary. However, they would have to be open to the elements. How else would the overpowering stench of urine be washed away if the rain couldn't get in?

A scoreboard at the back of the terrace? Well, duh! How else would we get to see the half-time scores if we didn't have a board lettered from A to Z which could be cross-referenced with the fixtures in the programme?

Optionally, supporters from my imaginary equivalents of Swindon or Bristol City would turn up and start a fight at the stadium's "Milton End".

So, my imaginary football stadiums would invariably all have been similar to Fratton Park in the 1970s. Some would be bigger, others would be smaller.

Ten little shelters all in a row.

If I'd created a portfolio of imaginary stadiums as a child, I could have wangled my way in to the design business as an adult. There have been many opportunities over the last couple of decades for aspiring architects to let their imaginations run wild as clubs have decided that their old stadia were looking a little tired, or that they needed a bigger capacity to increase revenues.

When I say that architects could have used their imaginations, well, when the only differences between the homogenous modern bowls at Leicester, Middlesbrough, Derby, etc, are in the colours of their seats, then their imaginations could have done with a bit of stimulation, to say the least. I don't envy anyone who feels they have to visit all of these identikit new arenas to complete "The 92" any more, whereas I used to be so jealous. Give me the quirks of Filbert Street, Ayresome Park or the Baseball Ground any day. I don't care how "tired" or uncomfortable they were.

At least they had character.

Nice pose for the photographer after scoring the first goal!

What's all this got to do with Hythe & Dibden? Well, they moved to a new ground last season. They used to play at Jones Lane, which is three-quarters of a mile (centre spot to centre spot) from their new home at Clayfields. I liked their remarkably sloped Jones Lane ground. It was within a public park and it was rather picturesque, overhung by leafy tree branches. They had small areas of cover dotted around at random underneath the trees, with park benches at either end for anybody who wished to sit on them and read a newspaper whilst a match was going on.

Unfortunately, they had to share with the local cricket club, which caused problems. For starters, they couldn't play home games at the start of the football season, as they had to wait for the cricket season to finish before they could move back in. The ground was three-sided to allow for the cricket square and sited a fair distance from the changing rooms. Being in a public park, they couldn't enclose the pitch, so it was difficult to stop people from watching without paying. The lack of enclosure would also stop them from progressing up the leagues if they ever won the Wessex League. Oh, and they had to take down the railings encircling the pitch and the floodlights on one side at the end of the season and put them all back up again at the start of the next.

They had to move really, and Clayfields was available. There were already two pitches here with a changing room and clubhouse complex, so two major obstacles to moving were already in situ (although the changing rooms needed more work than expected when it was discovered that a tree root was growing in an awkward place).

Of course, my fantasy football ground design of  crumbling terraces and huge lattice-towered floodlights would be impractical at the level that Hythe & Dibden play at, so their finished ground is sensible rather than spectacular, as you would expect. They had a portable stand and removable units of cover at Jones Lane, so they just had to rent a lorry to move them down the road. With hard standing readied for the portable stand, they just positioned it and spruced it up a bit. Ditto for the quirky shelters, which now stand ten in a row on the south side of the pitch, lined up like soldiers, all painted in khaki green.

A tussle for the ball in midfield. Watch where you're putting that hand, mister!

I've watched Hythe & Dibden play several times, and there always seem to be plenty of goals. When I first saw them, the goals were generally scored by the opposition, but they've been gradually improving over the time I've been writing this blog, such that they would have had genuine aspirations of promotion this season. Indeed, they still could go up to the Wessex Premier, but they'll  have to win nearly all their matches between now and the end of the season to achieve that aim.

If they play like they did on Saturday every week, then they'll have a chance. They were on a run of four league wins, but with the wet and then frosty weather that we've had over the last few weeks, this was their first game of 2016. They started with a rocket, scoring after just two minutes. A corner was only half-cleared and fell to Nick Dwyer on the edge of the area. With all the pent-up frustration of sitting around at home for the last five or six football-free Saturdays, he wound his shooting leg up and just let it go with the force of an uncoiling spring. Fleet's keeper never stood a chance. Dwyer then spotted a photographer (me) and gave a celebratory cartwheel for me to capture (hmm, I nearly got it...), followed by the pose which I've shown above.

It was an open game. After 20 minutes or so, Spurs got their equaliser after a defensive mix-up, the ball landing at the feet of Sam Knowles, who confidently stroked the ball past Jon Page in Hythe's goal.

As the sun disappeared behind the clouds for the last time before a sunset which never came, each side took it in turns to attack the other in what resembled a basketball match at times, but there were no more goals in the first half.

Seun Olabiyi takes on Fleet Spurs's Lloyd Jones.

If I'd been playing this match as a game of Subbuteo on my own on my bedroom floor in the 70s, I would have used the same hand for both teams in the first half. However, it was very much "right hand" for Hythe and "left hand" for Fleet in the second as the home side became more and more dominant. They retook the lead with a penalty after 47 minutes, taker Steven Green having to ignore the dual distractions of a group of small children rushing over to the outer fence to watch him (leaving their own game on the outer pitch for a few minutes), and the crash-smash-tinkle of a disinterested local using the glass recycling facility in the car park just as he nonchalantly poked the ball past Mark Appleby in Fleet's goal.

There's no slope at Clayfields, as there used to be on Hythe's old pitch, but with an embankment behind the far goal, it appeared to be all uphill for the away team, who didn't have any subs on their bench to replace anyone who was injured or flagging. The Watersiders went 3-1 and then 4-1 up in quick succession, firstly through Merl Wright, and then Seun Olabiyi, who, with the keeper stranded, sidestepped two defenders to make space for himself to fire home from close range after 75 minutes.

As I waited for the photogenic sunset which never came, substitute Sean Parker completed the scoring in injury time to make it an emphatic 5-1 victory for the boys in green.

The sun shines through the home dugout.

This is supposed to be the first in a trilogy of "new grounds" on HAH. If the weather is kind, part two will be from a match this weekend, with the final part coming two weeks later, on February 13th.

In the meantime, I shall post another 30 or so photos from this game on the Hopping Around Hampshire Facebook group page. They will be available to view tomorrow (Tuesday) evening.

I've not seen any other reports from this game on the web, so this may be the only written record of it. If I've got any players' names wrong, let me know and I'll change them. It wouldn't be the first time, and it won't be the last...

See you next week.

They'll Be Putting Up The Barricades...

Pompey's North Stand before an evening game. Oh, Pompey, will you never win again?!

They'll be putting up the barricades if they know Hopping Around Hampshire is coming to town...

Welcome to this summer's mini-series, where I shall be looking back on my first four and a half seasons of HAH, in league table form. In the 77 games featuring Hampshire clubs that I've written about so far, who has done the best, and who has done the worst?

I'm starting off with twelve clubs that haven't done very well when I've been to see them - the ones who were more Chronic The Hedgehog than Sonic The Hedgehog on the day. Some expected names, for example, Pompey have had several dire seasons in a row, so you'd expect them to feature here, but one or two surprises as well - what are Whitchurch United doing right at the bottom of the table of the 46 Hants clubs that I've featured? I saw them lose in a season in which they were promoted, and again in the last game of last season, when they finished sixth in the Wessex Premier! I can't see them opening the turnstiles for me at Longmeadow if they know I'm coming...

Whitchurch United (in claret) enter the fray for yet another defeat with me in attendance.

Firstly, then, the table (part 1/4). Clubs are ranked on Points Per Game. I have awarded two points for a win, rather than the standard three. It makes little difference at the top or bottom (no points per game is the same whether the maximum is two or three), but it seemed fairer in the middle of the overall table:

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	Pts	Pts/Game
46.	Whitchurch Utd	3	0	0	3	1	8	-7	0	0.00
45.	Fawley	2	0	0	2	1	7	-6	0	0.00
44.	Fleet Town	2	0	0	2	0	5	-5	0	0.00
43.	Fleet Spurs	2	0	0	2	3	5	-2	0	0.00
42.	Overton United	1	0	0	1	3	4	-1	0	0.00
41.	Hayling United	3	0	1	2	3	9	-6	1	0.33
40.	Romsey Town	3	0	1	2	3	8	-5	1	0.33
39.	Portsmouth	3	0	1	2	4	9	-5	1	0.33
38.	Hythe & Dibden	5	1	0	4	7	18	-11	2	0.40
37.	Farnborough	2	0	1	1	1	6	-5	1	0.50
36.	Lymington T	4	1	0	3	8	13	-5	2	0.50
35.	US Portsmouth	2	0	1	1	2	6	-4	1	0.50

Fawley (in blue) lost at home to Benerton Heath Harlequins in the first FA Vase game that I covered.

And now, a breakdown of each of the bottom twelve's results in HAH's featured games. If you're reading this on a PC or tablet, links to each match can be found on the right:

46. WHITCHURCH UNITED
Oct 2011 v Gloucester City (h) 0-2
Jan 2013 v Team Solent (a) 0-4
Apr 2015 v Verwood Town (a) 1-2

45. FAWLEY
Oct 2012 v Bemerton Heath Harlequins (h) 1-2
Feb 2013 v Alresford Town (a) 0-5

44. FLEET TOWN
Apr 2011 v Metropolitan Police (h) 0-2
Mar 2015 v Swindon Supermarine (a) 0-3

Fleet Town are the only Hampshire club that I've featured that have yet to score a goal.

The turnstile at Fleet Spurs. I was one of only two people to pass through here when I visited in 2012.

43. FLEET SPURS
Oct 2012 v Stockbridge (h) 2-3
Nov 2013 v Andover New Street (a) 1-2

42. OVERTON UNITED
Oct 2014 v Fleetlands (a) 3-4

41. HAYLING UNITED
Jan 2012 v GE Hamble (a) 1-3
Feb 2013 v Totton & Eling (h) 2-2
Mar 2013 v Alton Town (a) 0-4

Of the nine clubs that I've featured only once, Overton United are the only ones to have lost.

Brockenhurst take a corner at Jones Lane, ex-home of Hythe & Dibden.

40. ROMSEY TOWN
Jan 2011 v Fareham Town (a) 1-1
Feb 2011 v Lymington Town (h) 2-6
Aug 2013 v Moneyfields (h) 0-1

39. PORTSMOUTH
Mar 2012 v Middlesbrough (h) 1-3
Aug 2013 v Oxford United (h) 1-4
Nov 2014 v Aldershot Town (h) 2-2

38. HYTHE & DIBDEN
Apr 2011 v Horndean (a) 1-3
Apr 2012 v Brockenhurst (h) 2-6
Nov 2012 v Ringwood Town (a) 0-4
Sep 2013 v Oldland Abbotonians (h) 3-2
Sep 2014 v Amesbury Town (a) 1-3

I watch all three of these clubs regularly outside of HAH weekends. I haven't seen Romsey win in around ten attempts, and I've only seen Pompey win once since 2008 (in over twenty matches). Hythe & Dibden have lost more HAH-featured matches than anyone else; have conceded the most goals and have the worst goal difference. They're also the only club that I've featured every season so far. Stat overload!

Another turnstile, this time at Farnborough FC.

37. FARNBOROUGH
Oct 2011 v Havant & Waterlooville (a) 0-5
Feb 2013 v Havant & Waterlooville (h) 1-1

36. LYMINGTON TOWN
Feb 2011 v Romsey Town (a) 6-2
Dec 2011 v New Milton Town (h) 1-5
Oct 2013 v Kidlington (a) 1-5
Apr 2015 v Petersfield Town (a) 0-1

35. UNITED SERVICES PORTSMOUTH
Apr 2013 v Tadley-Calleva (h) 1-5
Oct 2014 v Swanage Town & Herston (a) 1-1 (4-3 pens)

I counted US Portsmouth's penalty victory in the Vase last season as a draw for the purposes of these stats, otherwise they would have been higher up the overall table, replaced in the bottom twelve by...?

Romsey Town's Curva Nord last season.

More stats in a couple of weeks, when I do the run down from places 34 to 23, accompanied by more ALL-NEW PICS!