Wantage Town v Bashley

Valentine's Day treat at Wantage Town FC.

I try not to bore you with the minutiae of my life. I don't tell you what I had for breakfast on the day of the match*. I don't tell you who I was texting that morning, or what memes we were swapping**. I don't tell you which A roads, B roads and byways I drove along and whether the traffic was behaving on the way to the town where a match was being played. I don't tell you where I went for lunch and with whom when I arrive at my destination. Why would you want to know these things?

But I'll make an exception this time, because what happened upon arrival in Wantage on Saturday was exceptional.

I usually travel with members of my family who aren't interested in football - we go to a town together, have lunch in a cafe, then I leave them to mooch around whilst I'm at the match. And so it was in Wantage on Saturday.

We arrived. We found a car park. We parked. We set off on foot for the town centre. We start walking up a hill towards Wantage's main square. We see a boy in a souped up Vauxhall Astra loudly bombing down the hill as fast as he can towards a blind corner. We notice a cafe across the road. We hear a loud bang.

* A mixture of Cheerios, Rice Krispies and Corn Flakes with raisins and runny honey, washed down with tea, since you didn't ask.

** I can barely switch on my phone, let alone send a meme. That's those things with big fluffy cats on saying "U WOT M8", aren't they? I try to keep up.

For all your koi carp needs...

Details:
Wantage Town FC (0) 2 v 0 (0) Bashley FC
Evo-Stik Southern League Division One South & West
Saturday 14th February 2015
Attendance: 100 (official count)
Admission: £8
Programme: £1
Colours: Green and white hoops / white / green and white v Gold / black / black
National Grid reference: SU3987

Wantage Town's stands.

Well, this boy lost control of his pride and joy at the bottom of the hill and smashed straight in to a house on the bend. It made a dull boom of a noise. Of course, we had to run back down the hill to help anybody who was injured. I got to the scene just after several other closer witnesses - the car was a write-off, but the boy had already got out of his vehicle and was standing next to it, sobbing. With no passengers, nobody at home in the crumpled house, and nobody on the pavement at the time, there were - amazingly - no injuries.

Ambulances, fire engines and police cars all turned up. The road was cordoned off for the rest of the day, and the incident made headlines in the local newspaper. This was big news in Wantage (48 hours later, and the story is still number one in the most-read list on their website. To put this in perspective, at number five is a report on a sale at a local department store where a woman bought a jacket at a bargain £14...).

So, we arrive in Wantage, and the first thing we see is a self-inflicted car crash. Whatever is this place like?!

We enter a shop of curiosities just off of the square. The owner greets us but says she can't talk right now because she's just listening to the radio. Apparently, there's been a crash in town. She turns the radio off when she hears our eye-witness account. Much better than the radio. Having a first-hand account of the story makes her day. She assures us that this sort of thing never happens round here, but I can't help feeling nervous walking towards Wantage's football ground.

Bashley Bear goes to Wantage. Favourite player: Robbie Pethick.

After witnessing a real-life car crash, you hesitate to use the term as a simile for Bashley's season (indeed, most of their recent history). Near-death puts football into perspective.

I have a soft spot for The Bash. My soft spot for them is softer than a moleskin cushion stuffed full of eider duck feathers and bushy squirrels' tails. But along with many other people, they've had a hard time recently. I sat amongst their directors at an FA Cup match at Hartley Wintney in 2011. The writing was on the wall then, as they talked openly about the lack of money at the club and about how deeply the playing budget would have to be cut for the club to survive.

Then they came within a squirrel's whisker of merging with nearby Wessex League New Milton Town in 2013, which would have seen them move away from their home ground in the village of Bashley and move in with their townie neighbours. It would have meant them dropping out of the Southern League and starting again in the Wessex League as a brand new club.

These plans fell through and the club carried on, but with no money to spend, they had to stop paying their players. Of course, if people aren't being paid at least expenses for long trips to Gloucestershire and Devon every other Saturday, it becomes very difficult to retain the talented players and to recruit new ones. Unsurprisingly, despite the heart and endeavour shown by the current team, Bashley are bottom of the league for the second season running and look certain to be relegated to the Wessex League.

Barnstorming run down the left from Bashley's Dammy Bada.

Bashley still have loyal (and loud) supporters, who never stopped cheering on their boys at Wantage. There were around 15 people following the side from the New Forest, which is about the same as several clubs in the much higher-ranked Conference South bring to Havant & Waterlooville on an average Saturday (I'm thinking of you, Weston-Super-Mare, Boreham Wood, Whitehawk, etc).

With the two sides having a combined record of P58, W6, D7, L45, F44, A178, Pts25, I wasn't expecting a high-scoring classic, and so it proved. The first half passed by without me making a single note in my notebook. There was no lack of effort, but Wantage have had problems too (they are one of at least three clubs in the division who don't pay their players - Fleet Town are another, and I'd be surprised if Bishops Cleeve do, as they are the other club adrift with Bashley at the bottom).

The home fans were convinced that Bashley's keeper was wasting time after just five minutes when he banged his boots up against the goalpost to shake off some mud before taking a goal kick (there was a lot of mud after the previous day's rain). "Book him ref! Look how long he's taking!" As if Bash had come to Oxfordshire looking for a 0-0 draw - I don't think so!

This advert amused me. The next board gives the address of an optician, but I prefer it without context.

The second half was better. Still not a belter, but at least there were a few more efforts on goal. Unfortunately for Bashley, the only two efforts that counted were both at the wrong end of the pitch. At 75 minutes and still at 0-0, Bash still had hope of victory and an outside chance of catching Wantage in the table and thus avoiding relegation.

It was at this point that a home player went down injured just inside Bashley's half with Wantage in possession. More than one homester shouted for the ball to be put out of play, and it looked as if one of the players in possession was just about to do just this, but he changed his mind and passed the ball to their right-winger instead. Bashley's defenders had stopped and Ben Whitehead was away, with no chance of catching him. He shot - the keeper saved, but the ball rebounded straight to George Reid who side-footed home from close range.

Bashley's fans and coaching staff were incensed, but there had been no rules broken, so there was nothing the referee could do about it. A last minute free-kick from Sam Barder sealed Bash's fate, both in this match, and for the rest of the season. There will be no coming back now.

So it looks as though Bashley will be playing the likes of Fawley and Brockenhurst next season. Their true fans won't desert them, and one day, the club will be back.

Wantage Town's second goal, direct from a free-kick in the 92nd minute.

Did you notice the bear sat on the plastic seat in one of the photos above? He's one of Bashley's teddy fans. There's another one in their bar wearing the same bobble hat. When I'm older and less busy with work and family, I shall offer my services to one of the local non-league clubs to help out around the ground on a match day, and perhaps assist with writing articles for their programme.

One item I see quite often in programmes is a "Focus On..." type feature. If you don't mind, I'd just like to practice writing one of these pieces by interviewing the bear before I sign off...

NAME: Van Broccoli Bear (I was named after Dutch goalkeeper Hans van Breukelen, hero of the Euro 88 winners).

DATE OF BIRTH: June 1st 1988.

PLACE OF BIRTH: Toys R Us

FAVOURITE TEAM: Bashley

FAVOURITE FOOTBALLER: Robbie Pethick, ex-Portsmouth defender. I do a good impression of him - it's my party piece. I also admire ex-Huddersfield Town midfielder Chris Billy.

FAVOURITE FOOD: Marmalade. And Hunny. Obviously, I'm a bear.

FAVOURITE DRINK: Lager, and lots of it. Obviously, I'm a bear.

MISCELLANEOUS LIKES: Hiding under a pile of stuff in a cupboard, safe from harm.

MISCELLANEOUS DISLIKES: People putting their fingers in the hole in my neck and pulling out my stuffing. I also dislike being carried upside down by the chain on my neck.

WHICH FAMOUS PERSON WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO MEET?: Adrian Chiles. I look a bit like him. I wonder if we're related?

Thank you, Van Broccoli! That was excellent practice for me for when I interview real people in the future!

Floodlights shining through the gloom.

There are proper match reports from The Freds'*** website here and fellow-blogger Sheridan Sparkes on South Coast Journalism here. Having just seen pictures of Sheridan on his blog, I think we may have spoken briefly at half-time, so a belated hello to you, Sheridan!

I have plans to visit a Wessex League club in Dorset when they host the current league leaders in March. After that, I intend to drive to north Wiltshire to see another Southern League game. As for my next report, I'm dithering a little at the moment, but I may go to a Hampshire Premier Football League ground on 28th February. It depends a little on the weather though, as the club I'm thinking of has no cover. Something to ponder over the next ten days or so. Wherever I end up, I'm just hoping I don't witness another car crash.

*** Wantage Town's nickname is one of the best in all of football. They are known as The Freds, due to the fact that King Alfred was born in the town.

Two Moves and a Name Change

Sup up, Bashley Bear!

In the absence of any match reports for the past couple of weeks, here's a little local news round-up instead.

Bashley speaker on one of their covered terraces.

Firstly, following on from Alton Town's enforced move, it appears that my fourth-favourite team, Bashley, may be moving as well. This move, however, is voluntary, due to the circumstances outlined in this link.

Executive seating at Bashley.

Not all their fans are pleased with the situation, as evidenced by the halving of their crowds since the announcement was made. The matter is being voted on at an EGM as I write, so we'll see what the outcome is very shortly. There is a Save Bashley FC group on Facebook, apparently (not being on Facebook, I'm not able to view it). Also, some chat board discussion here.

Two steps of terrace at Bashley Road.

I took the opportunity to visit Bashley Road on Tuesday evening for Bash's game against a strong Chesham United side. The ground had the air of a shop holding a closing-down sale - it felt very sad. Nothing like the vibrant, jolly club that I used to visit before my son was born. Even last season against Leamington, it still felt like a happy, lively place to watch a game of footy. Home-made cakes, a tiny club shop selling bright, colourful Bashley souvenirs, cheering, smiling fans... Tuesday night was so gloomy in comparison. However, the ground is still an atmospheric one, especially under lights, so I took a few photos to show you.

The new home of Bashley New Milton.

The club will be moving two miles to New Milton Town's council-owned ground, taking at least one stand with them, and renaming themselves as Bashley New Milton. As far as I can tell, New Milton Town will then fold, leaving a space in the Wessex League (which will be filled by Sholing, who have just resigned from the Southern League). Perhaps a new club will form to play at Bashley Road, starting again at Hampshire League level?

In the meantime, I'm going to need a new fourth-favourite team for next season.

Hythe & Dibden's Ewart Recreation Ground under floodlights...

Could it be Hythe & Dibden? They're another club on the move. Currently at the planning stage, they're due to move out of their quirky recreation ground home soon. If all goes to plan, they will be playing at the Clayfields Sports Centre in a few months.

...moving to the Clayfields Sports Centre soon.

I drove out to Clayfields yesterday lunchtime to see if anything was happening there, but the answer, unsurprisingly, was "no". No floodlights or cover or anything else been erected yet. I'll have another look over the summer...

Bus shelter at GE Hamble.

And finally in this round-up, GE Hamble are changing their name again. They're the club that change their name more often than Blackburn Rovers change their managers. According to a recent programme, they will be known as Folland Sports FC from next season. This name change comes about following "a corporate audit which raised branding issues" - astonishingly, someone was actually paid money to make this decision. In my nightmares, I can imagine being invited to one of their meetings...

Corporate Branding Architecture Manager?! And the Tory press whinge on about public sector "non-jobs"! Gah!

I'm sad to say that Romsey Town took this notice literally in their recent 7-1 defeat at GE Hamble :-(

Match reports will resume after the Easter weekend.

23. Tadley-Calleva FC

The entrance to Tadley-Calleva's pitch is hidden behind the changing rooms.

So, what does Calleva mean exactly? Town, Athletic, United - these are all quickly understood football club suffixes, but Calleva is unique.

Well, Calleva (or Calleva Atrebatum, to be more accurate) is the Latin name for the nearby settlement of Silchester, which has a well-preserved area of ancient walls and, perhaps more excitingly, a real-life, actual Roman amphitheatre. You can regularly see archaeologists working hard at the site, digging away (very carefully), dusting off fragments of mosaic and occasionally discovering an old coin or two.

From their studies, we know that there was a primitive form of football played at the amphitheatre, often involving teams of trained wild bears (see the photo below for an artist's impression of what this type of football may have looked like). From carefully pieced together fragments of writing on clay tablets, we know that one of the teams that regularly played at the amphitheatre was called Calleva Nil Satis Nisi Optimum (Silchester Nothing But The Best Is Good Enough FC). We can only speculate as to the ancient rules, but I'm sure it must have been very entertaining for the locals.

A wild and fierce bear playing football at Roman Silchester's amphitheatre.

Details
Tadley-Calleva FC (0) 0 v 0 (0) Ringwood Town FC
Saturday 24th March 2012
Sydenham's Wessex League Division One
Attendance: 38 (headcount)
Entrance: £4
Programme: £1
Club shop: No (nor is there a clubhouse until next season - currently under construction)
Colours: Yellow / black / black v All red
National Grid reference: SU6062

Tadley-Calleva's Barlows Park ground as seen from the nearby heathland.

From these venerable roots grew the modern-day football club of Tadley-Calleva FC. Note the hyphen in the name - a pedant's joy - the hyphen being a strong elasticated rope which binds together the present-day town of Tadley in north Hampshire with its 2,000 year-old predecessor. There can be no hiding that they're proud of their heritage around these parts - that hyphen is a giveaway.

Today's Tadley is positioned close to the Atomic Weapons Establishment at Aldermaston. An aerial view of the surrounding area reveals several weapons bunkers within a mile of Barlows Park. Between the football ground and the weapons facility lies a heath, golden with gorse flowers at this time of the year. Stonechats would normally be found in habitat like this, crackling and twizzling away, but I didn't see any on Saturday.

The neat and tidy stand at Tadley-Calleva FC, the letters T and C written in gold.

Barlows Park lies on the north side of what is now called Silchester Road, or, far more interestingly, the old Devil's Highway to Londinium. You can just about imagine the old blues singer Robert Johnson standing at the crossroads behind the ground, selling his soul to the devil (after a swift appetiser of Pretzel dusted calamari, marinara sauce & mustard aioli in the Broomsquire Hotel - Sky Sports is available there).

The trouble with Tadley-Calleva's ground being on the north side of the Devil's Highway is that this is the boundary between Hampshire and Berkshire - which means that the match that I watched on Saturday took place outside of my home county. However, as the town of Tadley lies totally within Hants, barring the football ground, I'm still counting them as a Hampshire club. Otherwise, the new name for this blog would be Hopping Around Hampshire Incorporating Bumbling Around Berkshire, making it sound like an amalgamation of 1970s comics (see Whizzer & Chips Incorporating Topper - if that even existed - must check).

An obedient puppy posing for the camera at Tadley-Calleva.

Barlows Park is a new ground, built in 2007 on an old landfill site. I guess if future archaeologists dig down beneath the pitch, they might find a great deal of evidence of 20th century civilisation - old Marmite jars, fragments of comics incorporating other comics, mustard seeds, etc. As fascinating to people in 2,000 years time as the Roman excavations at Silchester are to us now. They wouldn't find any old tea bags or drinks cartons from Saturday's match however, as the refreshments hut wasn't open. They're currently building a new clubhouse next to the changing rooms, so there should be food and drink available to visitors next season.

As a new facility - shared with Reading's women's football team - there aren't any rickety old stands to admire at Barlows Park. There's a nice new one which provided some ice-cool relief from the heat, and was more full than is usual at the smaller clubs that I've visited, where people often gather around the clubhouse. The whole place is neat and tidy and as pleasant as a Mr Whippy 99 on a warm day. Grizzliness and character will come with age, and at only five years old, there's no wrinkles at Tadley quite yet.

The unused refreshments hut.

I'm not trying to avoid mentioning the match, but there's not much to write about it. I'd had high hopes for this one, as both clubs had been on a good run recently (barring an 8-0 home defeat for the hosts last week). Not only that, but the last Wessex League Division One match I'd watched (AFC Portchester v Team Solent) had produced nine goals. And what's more, Tadley-Calleva had featured in my favourite game from last season, a 4-3 defeat at Andover New Street.

But like a lot of hotly-anticipated matches, this one finished 0-0. Tadders (as they call themselves, sounding like a commentator on Test Match Special) had several good chances, including two virtually open goals to aim at. Sadly, they must have been watching the penalty takers in the recent Six Nations rugby tournament a little too closely, as almost every shot went high over the bar. As Tadders' net custodian kept yelling: "Composure!"

No composure = no goals.

I wonder if the wild and fierce Roman bears could have done any better?

Ringwood Town on the attack.

I'll finish off with two short quizzes on Roman town names and Latin football mottos, for no better reason than I like setting quizzes.

We've learnt that Calleva Atrebatum = Silchester. Which English towns were once known by the following Latin names:

1. Venta Bulgarum
2. Noviomagus
3. Deva
4. Aquae Sulis
5. Durovernum

Upon whose club crests would you find the following Latin mottos:

1. Nil Satis Nisi Optimum
2. Arte et Labore
3. Audere est Facere
4. Superbia in Proelia
5. Domus Clamantium

Extra-special speccy kudos if you can translate any of the phrases.

The last motto would almost certainly be a pointless answer on TV's Pointless. And as that show's Richard Osman might say: "See how many you can get at home"

I'll post the answers in the comments in a few days.

A life-sized aluminium model of the Michelin Man's body next to the turnstile at Tadley-Calleva.

A nice day out at Tadders, despite the lack of goals, and if I achieve nothing else in my life, at least I've managed to squeeze a mention of mustard aioli in to a football report, which may be a world first.

There'll be two more featured matches this season, both appearing after Easter...

Got, Not Got

Big Roger wallowing in football.

I used to save up my pocket money for weeks in order to buy a new cassette tape. I'd go out, buy it, get it home, press play and listen straight away, before my duffle coat or trainers had even touched the floor. Sparks, Mud and Goodies tapes were fingerprint-greasy and loved - loved, as in bent and broken within weeks, but never ever forgotten.

This no longer happens. I download a song on a whim, go and make dinner, eat dinner, watch Pointless on the iPlayer, have a bath, make tomorrow's lunchboxes... and the song sits forgotten in a cold, functional column of unknown artist digital files, unloved and disposable. Meh. Such is the rusharound, do-everything-and-forget-everything adult lifestyle. Surrounded by possessions, but not feeling no love for them no more.

Stockbridge v Petersfield Town, as seen in Got, Not Got!

I stopped my runaround evening lifestyle for five minutes last week. I made time before running a bath to flick through a book that I'd received in the post. My old musical hero, Derek Hammond (Yeah Yeah Noh), had contacted me a few weeks before, asking to use some pictures from my blogs in his new football book, Got, Not Got. I said that would be fine, and so I was looking forward to seeing the pictures in print. I quickly found within my photo of Stockbridge, the scan from my scrapbook, and a picture of The Wedding Present 's George Best album that I'd made from Hama beads, and felt a warm glow - there's nothing like seeing your own work in print, after all.

Over an hour later, I was still reading, still admiring the pictures of 1960s, '70s and '80s football memorabilia, thinking, with a mental squeal, "Had!", or a disappointed "Didn't have!", or an occasional "Still got!" I chuckled at the succinct, mildly grumpy observations of the authors - people of my generation, who shared my childhood memories. If you're aged between 30 and 60, and you liked football as a child, they will be your memories too.

Go to the Got, Not Got blog for a flavour of what to expect. You can also read the authors' columns on the Mirror Football website. Then ask for the book for Christmas (or buy it yourself). It's both gear and groovy, guaranteed.

21st Century Hampshire Top Twenties: 2006/2007

If you go down to the woods today...you might meet Van Broccoli, Bashley's biggest fan.

2006/07, the season that Rio Ferdinand scored the best own-goal ever at Fratton Park; the season that Pompey missed out on a place in Europe by one disallowed goal in the final match (thanks for incorrectly overruling your lino, Graham "Three Yellow Cards" Poll). Saints lost in the play-offs to Derby County. Bashley broke all previous records for this century in winning the Southern League South & West title (100+ goals and points - only Dorchester Town had scored more in any season since 2000) - their nearest rivals were Fleet Town, and they were a country mile behind in second. Gosport Borough won the Wessex League title and promotion to the Southern League.

And I nearly forgot! AFC Totton reached the FA Vase final at Wembley, where they lost to Truro City in front of a record Vase crowd of 27,000+. I was at the home semi-final leg against Billingham Synthonia, where it looked as though they'd blown their chances with a 2-1 defeat, but they came back to win in the north-east.

On the downside, this was the season that Glen Johnson stole a toilet seat from B&Q; Lymington & New Milton gave up their co-habitation experiment due to local indifference and voluntarily dropped back into the Wessex at season's end, changing their name to New Milton Town on the way; and Farnborough Town were liquidated - they reappeared the following season as plain old Farnborough FC.

Van Broccoli memorising non-league football statistics, in case the subject ever comes up on Mastermind.

Hampshire Top Twenty rankings, 2006/2007:

1. (1) Portsmouth 1/9
2. (2) Southampton 2/6
3. (3) Aldershot Town 5/9
4. (5) Havant & Waterlooville 6/4
5. (4) Farnborough Town 6/11
6. (6) Eastleigh 6/15
7. (7) Basingstoke Town 6/19
8. (8) Bashley 8/1
9. (9) Fleet Town 8/2
10. (12) Andover 8/9
11. (11) Winchester City 8/13
12. (10) Lymington & New Milton 8/19
13. (14) Gosport Borough 9/1
14. (13) AFC Totton 9/2
15. (17) VT FC 9/3
16. (16) Moneyfields 9/7
17. (15) Fareham Town 9/8
18. (20) Lymington Town 9/12
19. (NE) Brockenhurst 9/13
20. (NE) Horndean 9/16

Sad goodbyes to Hamble ASSC and Cove. And a big hearty Hampshire welcome to Horndean and the returning Brockenhurst!

Still reading in the dark. You'll ruin your eyes, Van!