They'll Be On Their Hands and Knees...

A hint of drizzle in the air as half-time hot dogs are served at HAH's most successful club, Team Solent.

They'll be on their hands and knees, begging me to come back next season once they know that I'm their lucky charm...

The final part of HAH's summer stats series sees the top ten revealed. The top ten most successful clubs in the history of this blog. The undefeated heroes, the goals against columns with the most zeroes. It's the same deal as the previous three posts - a table of stats followed by individual results. Two points awarded for a win (although this rule didn't affect the top or bottom of the table at all).

The stadium of dreams / nightmares (delete as applicable...)

Firstly, the table:

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	Pts	Pts/Game
10.	Moneyfields	4	3	1	0	7	4	+3	7	1.75
9.	Eversley & California	1	1	0	0	2	1	+1	2	2.00
8.	Fleetlands	1	1	0	0	4	3	+1	2	2.00
6=.	Andover Town	1	1	0	0	2	0	+2	2	2.00
6=.	Southampton	1	1	0	0	2	0	+2	2	2.00
5.	Folland Sports	1	1	0	0	3	1	+2	2	2.00
4.	Winchester City	1	1	0	0	3	0	+3	2	2.00
3.	AFC Totton	3	3	0	0	5	1	+4	6	2.00
2.	Eastleigh	3	3	0	0	8	4	+4	6	2.00
1.	Team Solent	2	2	0	0	9	4	+5	4	2.00

The referee signals for an indirect free-kick at Eversley (& California).

And now for the individual records:

10. MONEYFIELDS
Sep 2011 v Gosport Borough (h) 2-1
Aug 2013 v Romsey Town (a) 1-0
Nov 2013 v Odd Down (Bath) (a) 3-2
Dec 2013 v Bitton (h) 1-1 (abandoned during extra-time due to players fighting)

9. EVERSLEY & CALIFORNIA
Mar 2013 v Banstead Athletic (h) 2-1

8. FLEETLANDS
Oct 2014 v Overton United (h) 4-3

You may have noticed from the table that six of the top ten have only played one game with HAH in attendance, so that their overall positions could arguably be distorted, but then, who's to say that they wouldn't win again if I reported on them a second time? I have every intention of seeing most of these "single-game-so-far" clubs this coming season (if the fixtures work out in their favour). Perhaps Eversley & California will top the charts if I do these stats again next summer?

The Moneyfields game against Bitton saw the blog's highest number of single day visits when I reported on it in 2013 (around 300 views compared to the usual 50 or so for the first day of an average match report). Oh, and by the by, Fleetlands are the top Portsmouth area club...

Andover Town's box-like stand at the Portway.

6=. ANDOVER TOWN
Mar 2014 v New Milton Town (h) 2-0

6=. SOUTHAMPTON
Feb 2012 v Burnley (h) 2-0

5. FOLLAND SPORTS
Jan 2012 v Hayling United (h) 3-1

One match each for these three, and all at home, but they could only beat what was put in front of them, as the cliché goes. Andover Town are the top mid-county side, with the other clubs in the top six all coming from the Southampton area. Please don't gloat, Sotonians...

Like all true ultra groups, AFC Totton have their own version of the Union Jack.

4. WINCHESTER CITY
Aug 2012 v Alton Town (h) 3-0

3. AFC TOTTON
Jan 2011 v Sholing (h) 2-1
Apr 2011 v Gosport Borough (a) 1-0
Jan 2015 v Wimborne Town (a) 2-0

AFC Totton are the first of three sides with 100% records after more than one featured match on HAH. All the more impressive when you notice that two of their three victories were away from home. I intend to file a report from their new ground this season, but the fixtures will have to fall right at some point over next nine months for that to happen (see also: Hythe & Dibden).

Shivering in the November rain outside Eastleigh's Executive Suite last season.

2. EASTLEIGH
Jan 2011 v Havant & Waterlooville (h) 4-2
Apr 2014 v Basingstoke Town (h) 2-1
Nov 2014 v Lincoln City (h) 2-1

1. TEAM SOLENT
Nov 2011 v AFC Portchester (a) 5-4
Jan 2013 v Whitchurch United (h) 4-0

The team representing the students of Solent University in Southampton are HAH's most successful side! Not only that, but they play within walking distance of my house! Two wins, nine goals...If only the sun had shone at any point during their two featured matches! I recall heavy, gloomy, grey skies with a hint of drizzle both times. Never mind! Well done to them. Newly promoted to the Wessex League Premier Division this season, let's see if they can hold on to pole position this time next year...

The setting sun glows on a factory behind Moneyfields' ground in Portsmouth.

Okay, that's enough stats for one summer! I'll be back with my first match report of 2015/16 in mid-August. The current plan is to visit a North Berkshire League ground in Oxfordshire to watch an FA Cup tie between an Hellenic League side and a Hampshire-based club from the Combined Counties League. It will all make sense, I promise!

One Photo From Each Club: Sholing to Winchester City

Disallowed goal for Sholing.

The summer mini-series "One Photo From Each Club (in alphabetical order)" concludes with ten pics from Sholing through to Winchester City.

I chose the first picture of a controversially disallowed goal from Sholing because of the colours. The horizontal blue, orange, black and green stripes could be straight off of a rarely seen Pacific island nation's flag - perhaps the Federated States of Micronesia? If East Southampton ever declares independence from the rest of the country, the People's Republic of Sholing are welcome to use these colours on their flag.

Enemy territory for this Pompey fan...

The one ground that I would never ever have visited as a home supporter under normal circumstances is St Mary's, home of Southampton FC. I felt very uncomfortable indeed sat in with the home fans. I grinned, I bore it, and eventually it was all over and done with. It was as pleasurable as sitting a two hour maths exam for me. Inside, St Mary's is as bland as all the other modern bowls, so the best photos all came from outside the ground. I chose the one above of the badge painting from the end of the nearby railway bridge as my favourite of the Saints set. Last time I looked, this was featured quite high up in Google image search, which possibly explains why my report on Saints has had significantly more visitors than the one from Fratton Park, where none of my photos feature high up in the search results. Yes, that must be the reason...

So long as you keep away from the goalmouth...

I was chuffed when Got, Not Got's Derek Hammond contacted me and asked if he could use this photo from Stockbridge in his book. I said "yes!" and a few months later, there it was, on sale from all good bookshops! The next Got, Not Got book should be available later this year. There may or may not be any more of my photos within - I don't know yet! Looking forward to it immensely though, as the first was a cracking read!

Tadley-Calleva's Michelin Man.

Tadley-Calleva are the pedant's favourite club, what with their unusual hyphen and Roman settlement reference. They are also the favourite club of anyone who loves mysterious metal tanks that look like the Michelin Man. I'm guessing the object in the photo above is a water tank? Beyond that are the turnstiles, with a piece of gorsey heathland in the background. Next time I visit, I'll have a walk around the heath and look for some interesting wildlife pre-match - adders, stonechats, fritillaries and suchlike.

Team Solent defend a free-kick under their twinkling floodlights at Test Park.

Hampshire's newest ground is also the closest to my house. The students of Team Solent play at Test Park, from where you can see Southampton's tallest building, Millbrook Towers. The floodlights always twinkle in the gloom at Test Park. It's like playing under six super-bright Bonfire Night sparklers on very tall sticks. However, you can't wave these sparklers around trying to spell out your name in the dark. And you don't have to put them in a bucket of cold water when you've finished with them.

Proud as punch after AFC Totton's promotion three seasons ago.

My favourite AFC Totton photo was actually taken at Gosport Borough on the day that Totton won promotion from the Southern League Division One South & West. A happy day for these two fans. The whole team took off their shirts and handed them to their supporters as souvenirs. These two received the famous number 10 shirt, as worn by Pele, Cruyff, Mike Gosney, etc. As an aside, the main picture from the match report (a team group with their tops off) receives a ridiculous number of hits from people looking for "Shirts v Skins" pictures. Make of that what you will...

A nice pose by this Totton & Eling player.

The other Totton club were formerly known as BAT Sports - the football club of the Southampton tobacco factory which has recently downsized and moved its production facilities to Asia. Shirley used to smell of tobacco if the wind was blowing in the right direction. This no longer happens since Costco moved on to the site. Anyway, Totton & Eling hosted a tremendous FA Cup match against the mighty Weymouth last season - the most exciting game of 2012/13 for me as the Wessex League side came close to knocking out their esteemed opponents in a 2-2 draw. The best photo was of the home number 8 picking up the ball for a throw-in one-handed, just like Pat Jennings used to in the 1970s.

Large numbers of interesting things to look at at US Portsmouth.

For an interesting backdrop, United Services Portsmouth can't be beaten. The Spinnaker Tower and the Lipstick building are the two most impressive structures that can be seen from the ground. However, if you look hard enough, you can also see HMS Victory and Portsmouth Guildhall. They don't look quite so good in a photo though. Too far away.

FA Cup action in front of Whitchurch United's old stand.

The FA Cup match between Whitchurch United and Gloucester City was a grand occasion. The ground was packed with raucous reprobates from the West Country, trying to out-shout and out-instrument the Whitchurch Mums who were watching from outside the ground (it was Drums v Horns in the Battle of the Instruments). I've chosen this photo of the overflowing stand to represent the excitement of the day. Another ground I'd like to return to.

Winchester City's refreshment cabin.

A less exciting FA Cup match was witnessed at Winchester City in the rain last season. Keeping dry was an attractive option on the day, and the best place to do it was inside the tea hut. Not sure if there were any ice creams, but I had a nice cup of tea to warm my hands up.

Alright, that's enough looking back. It's time to look forward again. The new season starts on August 3rd and I hope to be at a match on that day. There may be a report, you never know.

The Totton & Eling Team Tab

There's a Totton & Eling team tab hidden somewhere in this old scrapbook page! See if you can spot it!

At the end of every summer in the 1970s, Shoot! used to give away league ladders for the new season. Over a period of three weeks, you would receive the ladders themselves in the first week (league tables for England and Scotland with slots for each position within each division), then the team tabs for each English and Scottish league club. The idea was that you would update each division with the team tabs as and when matches were played.

So, you would dutifully start the season doing just that, but after a few weeks it became a little, well, boring. So, you would take them all out of the ladders, put them in a pewter tanker, shake them up, and draw out ties for the British Cup (which was surely just around the corner in reality - you were just doing the draw before Bert Millichip could get his hands on his 128 numbered balls and do the first-ever real draw). "And Coventry City will play Hibernian, in surely the tie of the round..."

The team tabs were slathered in useful information from the mid-70s onwards. The club's name would be in its colours on the visible part, but underneath, on the invisible iceberg-like bit, would be the name of their ground, year of formation, nickname, and most intriguingly, their record gate (e.g., Pompey's was 51,385 v Derby County - I've been in 40,000+ crowds at Fratton Park, but that ain't going to happen ever again!). I would learn all of these things off by heart and would wish that one day I could be in a record attendance.

Well, I may have done this at last, after 40 years of trying. The 230 at Totton & Eling's Millers Park for their FA Cup tie with Weymouth might well have been a ground record (probably not a club record - they must have bettered that at Southern Gardens in the 1940s or 1950s. I don't know for sure, and I don't expect anybody else does!). Anyway, to celebrate, I made a Totton & Eling team tab with the following vital information:

Totton & Eling (red lettering on a black background - club colours)
Millers Park
Formed: 1925
Record gate: 230 (in invisible brackets afterwards: "I was there!")
The Millers

I added it temporarily to an old scrapbook, just to see what it would look like (see illustration above). It looks good there, in amongst all the Sun soccerstamps!

Terry Paine, circa 1971.

From the same scrapbook, here's a picture of Saints legend, Terry Paine. Bradley Wiggins, eat your heart out! That's proper sideburns!