Godalming Town v Brockenhurst

Scarves for sale at Godalming Town (and mugs, programmes and pin badges!).

Wow! Just wow! It's not even October yet and already I've seen my best game of the season! Although, to be honest, that's often the case at this time of the year. The early rounds of the FA Cup and Vase tend to produce some of the most dramatic matches in any given season. For the players, it must be the lure of Wembley glory (or even just the prospect of testing themselves against relatively big clubs from outside of their usual region). Do they try harder, or is that merely my imagination? Or is it that cup matches are just more exciting than bread and butter league encounters, for the players and followers of the sport? Then there's pride at stake for the league if you're playing a club from another region. Adrenaline is a notch or two higher than normal. It's a heady mix.

It had looked like the most straightforward of wins for Brock. Wingers Will Tickle and Mark Barker had spent the first half tormenting Godalming's full-backs. They had been jinking and jetting past their unfortunate opponents, crossing and shooting at will. Aaron Dunne had scored the Badgers' overdue first after 20 minutes, heading in from Barker's free-kick. Matt Sheedy added the second ten minutes later after Tickle's cross had been blocked and rebounded to him ten yards out. And then there was a third in stoppage time from Mitchell-Carlton Speechley-Price.

Brock were absolutely cruising in to the next round. No problem at all.

The main stand at Godalming Town FC.

Details:
Godalming Town FC (1) 3 v 5 (3) Brockenhurst FC
Buildbase FA Vase 2nd Qualifying Round
Saturday 23rd September 2017
Attendance: 80-100
Admission: £6
Programme: £2 (the best I've seen at this level for quite some time)
Colours: Yellow / green / yellow v All blue
National Grid reference: SU9844

Tiny homemade shelter at Wey Court.

And then Godalming got one back.

It was 45+4 - the "plus 4" being time added on due to a double sending off after 34 minutes. I didn't see the incident, but according to my source in the stand, there had been a "coming together of heads", "handbags" and "nothing much to it". However, the end result was that Godalming's Hakim Griffiths and Brock's Tommy Barnes both took the walk of shame back to the dressing rooms.

During the Plus 4, Godalming's debutant Robert Webbe scored via the back of his head. It was 3-1 at half-time and Brock should still have been comfortable.

Mark Barker attempts to round Aaron Bufton in Godalming's penalty area.

But it wasn't comfortable at all, not at all. The Combined Counties Premier Division side began playing with more poise and confidence after the break. The clock ticked round to 58 minutes and my "last goal scored" raffle ticket's time was up. Sadly, the entire minute was taken up with a substitution for the home side. I've still never won a football raffle...

Shortly after this, Ben Cotton weaved his way through Brock's defence, rounded goalkeeper Matty Taylor and side-footed home to make it 2-3. Time for the home side to pick the ball out of the net and run with urgency up to the centre-spot, slam it down and keep believing they could complete an unlikely comeback.

Brockenhurst were visibly nervous at this point with Godalming's tails well and truly up. They couldn't get a third. Could they?

The answer to this question was "yes", but in an unexpected manner. With 15 minutes remaining, Webbe floated in a corner...and the ball seemed to cross the line without anyone touching it. There may have been a slight deflection, but I didn't see one from the far end where I was stood. 3-3 with a goal straight from a corner. Now, would there be extra-time and a possible replay, or could one of the combatants snatch a late victory?

Goalmouth scramble but no goal on this occasion.

I needed a good memory to take away from this part of the world. The last time I'd been in the Godalming/Farncombe area (Godalming Town actually play in Farncombe), I'd been in the school hockey team (goalkeeper, naturally), and for some reason, we had an away fixture against one of England's most expensive public schools, Charterhouse, which is a mile or two distant from Wey Court.

You'd have thought that you'd be able to leave your valuables in the changing rooms at Charterhouse with impunity, what with the public school ethos of fair play and honesty and so on and so forth. I mean, compared to some of the rough, tough schools I played at in both the hockey and football teams, none of whom ever caused us any bother...

But come full-time and a creditable 2-2 draw against the future captains of industry and grandees of the Tory party, we returned to the dressing rooms and we'd been ransacked! My bus fare home, all 15p of it, gone! But worst of all, I'd bought a 7 inch vinyl record on my way to school that morning - Turning Japanese by the Vapors - and the thief had broken it. Not stolen it, but worse, broken it!

Henceforth, from that moment, I became a Communist.

The inevitable arty pic.

I needed a good memory from my trip to Surrey, and Brockenhurst's Speechley-Price provided it with six minutes remaining. He'd been a painful presence all afternoon and looked the most likely to score. And score he did. Chasing a ball played through the centre, he reached the edge of the 18 yard box and shot low and hard. The ball looped up off a stretching defender, leaving Bufton helpless as it bounced over the line and in.

People sometimes ask me if I have any favourites from the 50 or 60 clubs that I cover on here, and I usually go all coy and say "no comment" or words to that effect, but I found myself punching the air when that fourth goal went in, so yeah, I'll admit it, Brock are one of my favourite teams.

Unlike my children, I don't love everyone equally.

With Godalming chasing another equaliser, Speechley-Price was played through the middle again with two minutes remaining. This time he shot earlier, arcing the ball way over Bufton's outstretched arms to make it 5-3 for what was, in the end, a deserved victory for the club from the New Forest.

Mitchell-Carlton Speechley-Price celebrates scoring his second and Brock's fourth of the afternoon, as well as having the longest name in the Wessex League.

So Brockenhurst progressed on what turned out to be a very good day for Wessex League clubs against sides from surrounding leagues. They'll be playing at home to South West Peninsula League side Crediton United in the First Round Proper on October 21st. Here are the fixtures for the remaining Hampshire clubs:

AFC Portchester v Cullompton Rangers
Highworth Town v Sholing
Westbury United v United Services Portsmouth
Romsey Town v Hamble Club
Portland United v Horndean
Fareham Town v Ivybridge Town
Baffins Milton Rovers v Radstock Town
Hengrove Athletic v Alton
Farnham Town v Lymington Town
Frimley Green v Blackfield & Langley
Bashley v Bridgwater Town

I hope to file a report from one of these matches on HAH in four weeks time. But which one?

Down the steps to the dressing rooms for the returning heroes.

There's another report from Saturday's game on Godalming Town's website here. More photos from the match will appear on the HAH Facebook page later this evening.

Obviously, the incident that scarred my childhood at Charterhouse had nothing to do with the good people of Godalming Town FC. Just being there amongst the friendly home crowd in the sunshine will always be a good memory. And their ground is lovely, with an old stand with wooden bench seats, an engaging announcer, a superb programme packed with info and colour photos, an area for children to play, a rusty roller in one corner, a top-notch tea hut...I could go on. They're a good bunch. If you're up that way, please pay them a visit.

The next HAH will be from a match being played on October 7th. I do love a cup game, so I'm considering delving deep - really deep - down inside the pyramid and visiting an insect-themed club from the badlands between Southampton and Portsmouth for a Hampshire Intermediate Cup tie next. See you in a fortnight.

The Fifth Annual Festive Parade of Rusty Rollers

Brockenhurst FC. "The Cobra". Not bright enough.

I've not told anyone this before, but I've been an undercover detective these past few months. If you'd met me, you'd see a scruffy middle-aged bloke with a camera and a notebook who writes rather odd reports on non-league football matches involving Hampshire clubs. I'd be happy to pass the time of day talking about the weather with you, or swapping stories of football grounds we've both visited. I have as many opinions on the red hot topics of the day as anyone else, and I'll share them with you if you wish to listen.

But underneath this bonhomous exterior, I've been on the lookout for a criminal, who is thought to be hiding within a non-league football ground. However, it's reached the point where I need others to join in to help me find this vagabond, as I've had no success thus far.

Will you help me?

Fareham Town. Too big.

Think back to the beginning of August. Do you remember all the WANTED posters pasted up around town? The first one I saw was on the back of a bus stop in Shirley. It read something like this:

WANTED!

FOR THE CRUSHING OF STU FRANCIS'S GRAPE

RUSTY LEE

ARMED AND DANGEROUS!

DO NOT APPROACH!

 LAST SEEN IN HAMPSHIRE BUT IS KNOWN TO HAVE CONNECTIONS IN NORTH WALES

Larkhall Athletic. Too weedy.

Upon seeing this poster, my inner sleuth's curiosity was piqued. I wandered down to Shirley Police Station to find out more. At the front desk was a jolly, red-cheeked sergeant who filled me in on some details.

Apparently, ageless comedian Stu Francis (ex-Crackerjack, amongst other TV shows) had recently been in Southampton to hold talks with the management of the Mayflower Theatre about appearing in their Christmas pantomime. He'd brought his prestigious (and priceless) Golden Grape statuette with him, which was awarded to him in 1990 by the British Fruit Farmers Association for popularising grapes in his famous catchphrase "Ooh, I could crush a grape!"

The panto talks had gone well and, to celebrate, he'd gone to a local Wessex League ground to watch one of the opening matches of the season. He'd taken his Golden Grape award to show a friend of his on the club's committee. During the first half, he'd happened to comment on the rather dowdy nature of the club's roller and that if he got the pantomime gig, how he'd buy the club a sparkling new roller with his first night's earnings.

Stu had lain his award on the ground behind him and forgot it was there as he went to the tea hut at half-time. Upon his return, he was aghast to see that his Golden Grape had been crushed! Oh, the irony!

Swivelling around, he turned his gaze towards the dowdy club roller...

Salisbury FC. Spotless.

...But it wasn't there! It had mysteriously disappeared during the half-time break! Stu's committee member friend was most apologetic, but all he could do was call the groundsman over to ask the whereabouts of the roller. What the groundsman said shocked all who were listening:

"I haven't used the club roller for three weeks now. It's been locked away in my equipment container all that time". When Stu described the roller that he'd seen behind him, the groundsman denied ever seeing one that looked like that at the club.

This is when the police were called, and sure enough, nobody but Stu Francis had seen this phantom roller, thus he was the only witness to this ghostly phenomenon. He told the police that the roller had been approximately 4ft wide x 18in tall. It was extremely rusty and - weirdly - had a mark on the main roller mechanism in the shape of a Crackerjack pencil - almost like a birthmark.

The sergeant at Shirley Police Station was dubious that this had ever happened outside of Stu Francis's mind, but as the comedian had offered a large reward for the capture of the rogue roller (dubbed "Rusty Lee" in the local press as a strange kind of tribute to Stu's celebrity chef friend, Rustie Lee), he felt it incumbent on the force to at least be seen to be doing something.

It was at this moment that I offered my services in the hunt for the mystery roller. I explained that I travel the county and beyond taking photos of rusty groundsmen's equipment and that I might be able to find the roller in question. The sergeant gave me a queer kind of look, and giggling through his fingers, said "Yes, yes, go ahead, why not?"

Sway FC. "Naughty".

The first place I visited this season was Abingdon Town's ground for a match between Abingdon's groundsharers Chinnor and Hartley Wintney. Despite a thorough search, there were no rollers to be seen anywhere, so my attention turned to Brockenhurst a couple of weeks later. Brockenhurst's roller, "The Cobra", is notoriously clumsy, having broken one of their goals the previous season. Despite its rather dangerous-sounding nickname, it was surely not clever enough to have crushed the Golden Grape?

On to a floodlit match at Fareham Town. The club roller here was certainly rusty enough to be Rusty Lee, but was surely too big? Stu Francis had said that his nemesis was 4ft wide - Fareham's roller was a good 6ft, and could be safely ruled out.

Portland United. Inseparable.

Stu Francis came up with some more evidence a few days after Fareham. He'd contacted the police and told them that he thought that he'd heard someone - or something - whispering profanities in Welsh on the evening of the crime. I couldn't make it as far as Wales for my next roller search, but Bath's Larkhall Athletic was near enough. I found a green roller under a tree. Now, this one was about the right size, so I had a really close look at it. But it had obviously been there quite some time, as it had weeds growing all over it. It could not have been Rusty Lee.

Soon after the Larkhall visit, I went to Salisbury. I was delighted to see a roller appear after their match with Follands, being pulled along by a powerful Mario Kart. This roller didn't have a speck of rust on it, so could not possibly have been Stu's grape-crushing enemy. Another suspect ruled out.

Dyffryn Nantlle Vale. Mud sculpture.

I was hopeful that I'd found the criminal roller on a visit to Sway, but speaking to a committee member there, it transpired that their rollers had been locked up in a cage for several months since they'd been "naughty". He didn't specify what he meant by "naughty", but he was adamant that they couldn't have escaped and reappeared at the Wessex League ground near Southampton in early August. I took his word for it.

Portland United in early November was my next opportunity to track down the bad roller. As the sun set over the peninsula, I spotted a pair of rollers cuddling each other by the far wall. Upon closer inspection, it transpired that they weren't cuddling, but were actually stuck together with super-strength glue. Why? I don't know, but Stu had only seen one roller, and these two were like Siamese twins. One wasn't going anywhere without the other any time soon.

Porthmadog FC. Knows no Welsh profanities.

With no rollers on show at either Bemerton Heath Harlequins or Alton Town, I was left with only my two visits to grounds in North Wales this autumn. Now, this was a proper long-shot, based on Stu hearing some whispering noises in Welsh...

There were a pair of rollers at Dyffryn Nantlle Vale lying down next to an ancient standing stone. The blue one had something that looked like a birthmark! Could it be the mysterious Crackerjack pencil "birthmark" that Stu had seen? I had a look and was disappointed to see that the "birthmark" was actually a clod of mud. However, my disappointment soon turned to joy when I noted that the mud clod was shaped exactly like the British Isles - England, Scotland, Wales and the island of Ireland all in perfect outline! There was even a miniature Isle of Wight with a tiny River Medina!

The final hope of success came at Porthmadog on the only cold day of the winter so far - the wind was blowing straight down from the surrounding snow-capped mountains when I spotted their roller sat down in front of a hedge. It was rusty, 4ft x 18in, and had a mark upon it which resembled a pencil. Could it be...? I went up to it and asked it if it knew any profanities in Welsh. In reply, he said: "Nah mate, I'm from the East End. I'm here on holiday! I wouldn't know a Welsh profanity from an Anglesey eel!"

No luck with the mystery roller in the first half of the season then. I'm going to need some help in the second half of the season with this. Would you be so kind as to keep your eyes peeled and tell me if you see anything suspicious? Remember, there's a reward!

Other festive parades and roller round-ups can be found by clicking on the tag "Rollers etc". And yes, they're just as weird as this one...

Happy New Year everyone! I think I'll be back with a match report from a ground near Southampton on January 16th, weather permitting.

Brockenhurst v Yate Town

Respect for the victims of the Shoreham air crash before kick-off.

What a finale! What a match! What an amazing day for Brockenhurst Football Club!

94 minutes on the watch, 1-1, and the subs warming up in front of me wondering whether they would be playing at Bournemouth Poppies in the Hampshire Senior Cup on Tuesday evening, or whether they would be travelling to Bristol after work for an FA Cup replay. It looked for all the world as if they'd be clocking out early for the long journey to the West Country, when suddenly, the ball was played forward on Brock's left, a defender slipped on the greasy turf as a low cross skimmed across the box, and Scott Joyce found himself all alone six yards out with the ball at his feet.

He couldn't miss, surely? He'd only signed from Blackfield & Langley two days before - this was his first game back at his old club. Sidefoot the ball into the far corner and he would be the returning Roy of the Rovers hero; lose his footing and sky it over the bar and...well, it wouldn't bear thinking about. There wouldn't have been a hole big enough for him to sink into.

But this fairytale had a happy ending. The man with the luminous yellow boots kept his head and did what was necessary! 2-1 to the underdogs and subsequent pandemonium in the forest!

As the ref mentioned to one of his assistants as he trotted back to the halfway line: "What did I tell you? It's the FA Cup!"

Come on the Badgers! In the rain.

Details:
Brockenhurst FC 2 (0) v (1) 1 Yate Town FC
The Emirates FA Cup Preliminary Round
Saturday 29th August 2015
Attendance: c100
Admission: £6
Programme: £1.50
Colours: All blue v All yellow
National Grid reference: SU2902 / SU3002

Peek-a-boo! Brockenhurst's stand.

As I got out of bed on Saturday morning, my body was giving me a sneak preview of what it must feel like to be 85 years of age. I'd played five games of volleyball in two days and, as the cliché goes, I had muscles aching that I didn't even know existed.

Not only that, but I'd been standing too close to the speakers at a concert by Ash at the Wedgewood Rooms in Portsmouth the night before. Deaf in one ear, and requiring a whole-body transplant, I was very tempted to give the football a miss and pop into Boots instead to purchase a circulation-boosting Revitive (as advertised by Ian "Beefy" Botham on one of the minor ITV channels). Oh, can't someone take away the pain? Please!

Through pure strength of will, I resisted the shopping urge, and ignoring the old-man pain, got into my car and drove to the New Forest. Parking in Brockenhurst costs money, so I stopped outside the village in one of the many walker's car parks, and ambled to the match past a series of grazing ponies and equally-grazing picnickers, humming Kung Fu to myself as I went ("Oh Daniel San made in Taiwan, Come on Jackie Chan, uh uh uh oh oh...).

Ascend these steps to sit in the stand.

Brockenhurst's football team have played at their Grigg Lane ground since 1950. The stand and changing rooms were built in 1978 - this being the year that I spent all my pocket money one week on three Yorkie Bars, eating them one after the other and being sick as a result. I still can't look a Yorkie Bar in the face without feeling queasy.

Also in 1978, my uncle made me some C90 cassette tapes of modern music (he knew I liked my music and didn't have enough money to buy records). I played A Tonic For The Troops by The Boomtown Rats and Rattus Norvegicus by The Stranglers over and over again, but another one of the albums he taped for me, Bat Out Of Hell by Meat Loaf, I never really enjoyed. Of course, this was one of the highest-selling albums of all time, and I didn't "get it". I had to accept that I was out of step with popular taste. Nothing's changed in the intervening years.

Nicely polished wooden bench seats await you up in the stand. Tea and Twix optional.

Enough about me...let's break off for a minute and see what you know about Yate.

• Brockenhurst's opponents, Yate Town, are from an overspill town to the north of Bristol (handy for the M4 and M5), and play in the Southern League Division One South & West - the same division as Bashley, AFC Totton and Winchester City. They are thus, one step higher in the pyramid than Brock. True or false?

• Yate is famous for the mining of celestine, the mineral from which strontium is extracted. Strontium is used in pyrotechnics and weapons. Strontium from Yate was used in the Vietnam War. True or false?

•  Yate's pedestrianised 1960s shopping centre was opened by Pat Phoenix, who played Elsie Tanner in Coronation Street. True or false?

• There was an annual festival at Yate shopping centre for several years in the 1980s and 1990s. Celebrities who have opened the festival include Timmy Mallett, Keith Chegwin, Bob Carolgees and Spit the Dog, Grotbags from the Rod Hull and Emu TV show, and the Milky Bar Kid. True or false?

Extraordinarily, all of these statements are TRUE (at least according to Wikipedia). You kind of forget how popular some of these people were thirty years ago...

Spectators watch on with resignation as Yate score their penalty.

Anyway, back to the match...

I entered Brock's ground, and what did I hear? Only Bat Out Of Hell blasting out of the speakers by the clubhouse! Ah well, I'll be gone by the time the morning comes, I suppose. It had been raining gently since I'd left the car, and it would continue to rain for the next hour or so, but the weather hadn't put too many people off. The cover by the Badgers Sett tea hut had around twenty fans sheltering beneath it, and by the time the players came out and gathered around the centre circle to pay their respects to the Shoreham air crash victims, there must have been another eighty people packed in to the stand. A healthy FA Cup crowd for Brock.

The first half was uneventful until the 39th minute, when the referee blew his whistle as the ball floated over from a Yate corner. Apparently, there had been some shirt-pulling or other argy-bargy in the box, and he'd given the team in yellow a penalty. It reminded me of the Half Man Half Biscuit lyric from The Referee's Alphabet - "The Y is for Yate, the kind of town that referees come from". Brock fans were certainly convinced that the away team had brought their own ref at that point.

The penalty was duly dispatched, and it was time to turn our attention to the half-time 50/50 scratch card. I'd chosen Nottingham Forest (Pompey had already gone). But no, Pompey failed to win and Newcastle United had come out on top (and it's not often you can say either of those things these days).

Brock's Jack Smith heads the equaliser beneath the telecommunications mast.

So much happened in the second half. I don't know what the manager said at half-time, but it was as if the Badgers had come out of hibernation after a 45 minute sleep. So many chances - to be fair, at either end - Yate hit the woodwork twice, but Brockenhurst had a one-on-one thwarted by Yate's goalie, another shot cleared off the line (possibly hitting a defender's hand - not spotted by the ref), but as a buzzard circled overhead, it appeared as though they would never break through.

However, with only fifteen minutes remaining, Jack Smith leapt higher than his marker to head downwards in to the net at the Telecommunications Mast End. At last! The Badgers had broken through! Chants of "Wemberley! Wemberley!" could be heard throughout the forest!

Brock kept pressing, and five minutes later, Kabba Jack was through on goal, but was tripped from behind right on the edge of the area. Red card for Yate's Matt Villis, and Martin Horsell in goal had to pull off a spectacular save from the resulting free-kick as the ball arced towards the top-right corner.

Into injury time, and Yate had one last chance deflected wide. It was at this point that Brock's subs started discussing when the replay would be - which is where we came in...

As the players left the pitch, the stadium announcer shouted out "Welcome home, Scotty!" What a return for the hero of the day! But it wasn't just Scotty, the announcer also declared that "All the lads deserve a medal!"

Indeed they did.

Enjoying a burger at the Badgers Sett during the second half.

Do you know what? All that pain I was feeling before the match, all those aching muscles - it had all gone. Even as a neutral, I felt the same thrill as the players and supporters of Brockenhurst when that second goal went in. They say that you feel a buzz when something amazing happens - well, that's what happened on Saturday - that feeling of elation, of a tingle down the spine, the head-spinning dizzy thrill of it all - I felt it, and it took away all that pain. I felt warm and glowy all the way home.

Brockenhurst will play at home to another Southern League side from Bristol, Mangotsfield United, in the next round of the cup on Saturday September 12th. On the same day, the conquerors of Chinnor in the previous round, Hartley Wintney, will host their neighbours Fleet Town - this after sticking five past the higher-ranked Banbury United on Saturday. Both ties should be absolute crackers.

Sadly, I'm unable to attend any matches that day, so my next report may well come from a midweek Wessex League game instead.

I caught the winning goal and celebrations on camera. Instead of another thousand words from me, here are four final pictures to complete Saturday's story:

How to celebrate after scoring a 94th minute winner in the FA Cup: Firstly, wheel around and head towards the corner as the ball hits the net...

...run past your ecstatic fans waving their cycle helmets in the air (extremely happy little boy just hidden behind you). You feel like you've just scored the winner at Wembley in the final...

...the first of your team-mates slides in to congratulate you...you fall on top of him and scream and yell and man-hug ...

...followed by the rest of the team (and subs). Ouch! That must hurt at the bottom of the pile?!

Win Some, Lose Some, Occasionally Gruesome...

Brockenhurst's stand, looking resplendent on a sunny August day.

You win some, you lose some, occasionally the goals against column is gruesome...

Welcome to part two of HAH's summer mini-series, wherein I've been compiling a whole bunch of statistics from the blog's first four and a half years. This time out, the focus is on some of the teams who have won one, lost one, maybe drawn one when I've been present. We've reached Mid-Table Land. No longer chasing taxis, although towards the bottom of this table, some will have been chasing their tails.

Horndean in the fog last winter.

The format of the table is the same as it was on the previous post. Two points for a win instead of three, as it seems fairer. Reading from numbers 34 to 23, we have:

		P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	Pts	Pts/Game
34.	Aldershot Town	2	0	1	1	2	4	-2	1	0.50
33.	Bashley	3	1	0	2	2	4	-2	2	0.67
32.	Gosport Boro	3	1	0	2	3	3	0	2	0.67
31.	New Milton T	3	1	0	2	5	5	0	2	0.67
30.	Stockbridge	3	1	1	1	4	7	-3	3	1.00
29.	Blackfield & Langley	2	1	0	1	2	3	-1	2	1.00
28.	Cove	2	1	0	1	3	4	-1	2	1.00
27.	Brockenhurst	2	1	0	1	6	7	-1	2	1.00
25=.	AFC Stoneham	1	0	1	0	1	1	0	1	1.00
25=.	Liphook United	1	0	1	0	1	1	0	1	1.00
24.	Totton & Eling	2	0	2	0	4	4	0	2	1.00
23.	Horndean	2	1	0	1	3	2	+1	2	1.00

Gosport Borough's Sammy Igoe takes a free-kick beneath the speakers.

Let's have a look at each club's results when I've been present:

34. ALDERSHOT TOWN
Apr 2013 v Southend United (h) 0-2
Nov 2014 v Portsmouth (a) 2-2

33. BASHLEY
Sep 2011 v Hartley Wintney (a) 0-1
Feb 2012 v Leamington (h) 2-1
Feb 2015 v Wantage Town (a) 0-2

32. GOSPORT BOROUGH
Apr 2011 v AFC Totton (h) 0-1
Sep 2011 v Moneyfields (a) 1-2
Sep 2012 v Bideford (h) 2-0

I can't bear to look at Aldershot's result against Pompey - it still hurts that they went on to win the replay and become the first non-league club ever to knock the Blues out of the FA Cup. With their respective fortunes over the last few years being at opposite ends of the fortune scale, I would have expected Bashley to be lower, and Gosport to be higher, but here they are, locked together in HAH's stat table.

Will the ball never come down at New Milton Town?

31. NEW MILTON TOWN
Dec 2011 v Lymington Town (a) 5-1
Aug 2012 v Newport (IW) (h) 0-2
Mar 2014 v Andover Town (a) 0-2

30. STOCKBRIDGE
Mar 2011 v Petersfield Town (h) 1-1
Oct 2012 v Fleet Spurs (a) 3-2
Apr 2013 v Petersfield Town (a) 0-4

29. BLACKFIELD & LANGLEY
Jan 2012 v Alton Town (h) 0-2
Aug 2014 v Christchurch (a) 2-1

If I'd created this table at the end of 2011, New Milton would have stood proudly in second place after their 5-1 thrashing of their local rivals. Down to 31st after two defeats. Seems a bit drastic. Then we have the first two of many teams that have literally won one, lost one (and/or drawn one) when I've been present, averaging a point a game.

Turn left for Cove FC, right for Farnborough "Town" FC. Farnborough, north Hampshire's sporting hub.

28. COVE
Aug 2011 v AFC Portchester (h) 0-2
Sep 2014 v Chertsey Town (a) 3-2

27. BROCKENHURST
Mar 2011 v Bournemouth Poppies (h) 0-5
Apr 2012 v Hythe & Dibden (a) 6-2

25=. AFC STONEHAM
Feb 2015 v Liphook United (a) 1-1

Watching Brock seems to be a guarantee of goals...13 in two matches, not bad. It's about time I featured them again. Bring a calculator this time.

The only fun and games at Liphook were on the football pitch on this drizzly day in February.

25=. LIPHOOK UNITED
Feb 2015 v AFC Stoneham (h) 1-1

24. TOTTON & ELING
Sep 2012 v Weymouth (h) 2-2
Feb 2013 v Hayling United (a) 2-2

23. HORNDEAN
Apr 2011 v Hythe & Dibden (h) 3-1
Nov 2014 v Ascot United (h) 0-1

Totton & Eling are the only club I've featured more than once that have produced identical scorelines both times. I've featured five 2-2 draws so far. The most common scoreline has been a 2-1 home win (8 times), followed by 1-1 draws and 2-0 away wins (7 each).

An AFC Totton fan watches Totton & Eling's FA Cup draw with Weymouth from beyond the boundary.

More stats in a couple of weeks. SEVEN ALL-NEW PICS again as well!